Monday, October 03, 2005

Count Down From Seven

it's been a long time since I diaried. i am still struggling with the idea of Living To Blog. i hate the nagging voice that says, as I live me life day-to-day, "Blog ME! I'm an Interesting Event!"
fuck that. it can't be healthy. anyway. here I am, to Update.

the time in the studio was hard, to say the least. now that i have some perspective on it, i can see what happened more clearly. we pulled up to the bottom of The Mountain on Sept 10th and were booked to live and record there until Sept 20th. i felt something odd right away, the minute we started driving up the zig-zaggity road. cue the music. it was JUST like the opening scene of the Shining. and the place, though it was beautiful, had a definite shining/agatha christie vibe. my head started to spoin a little. i couldn't put my finger on it. the next morning i felt bizarre. here we were, in the lap of luxury with a private studio and ten days to record and make music, and all i wanted to do was escape. i just didn't want to be there. the guys needed to get drums sounds and i had most of the day off, so instead of hanging out and getting myself acquainted with the facility and checking out the swimming pool and the woods and the fridge and the blah blah blah, i left. i just drove away. i drove the volvo down that mountain feeling like a bat out of hell. the nearest town was Woodstock, so there i went, found a yoga studio online, took a class and asked around for a cafe. and I got some tea and sat down and wrote and tried to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me, why i was so afraid. i still couldn't put my finger on it. i drove back to the studio later that day and called a friend, and tried to figure it out. "Are you PMSing?" No, there's no way, "What, what is it?" The best I could come up with was that I was just anxious and felt the pressure on my head, the pressure was too much to be contained within this superficial idyllic setting, and I hated the idea of being in close quarters with brian and these few other people with little contact to the outside world. that plus the fact that I felt weird about all the songs we were about to record they all seem too impersonal, and why are we up here at Major Label's expense in the bajillion-dollar it necessary? do we need to be here? when the fuck did THIS happen? it felt strange, foreign, Not Right. i tried to sleep it off and Calm Myself. As the days went by and we worked and worked and recorded, i tried to shake it but I couldn't fully. the days were packed, i would wake up and drive dwon to woodstock and do yoga and tea and then get back and we'd record from 2 til around 11 at night. work felt like a distraction, it was completly backwards. in good moments i could lose myself in some music-making, but not often. i felt like an alien in a strange land. the silence up there was deafening. i felt everything i wasn't. not a Rock Star, not a Person Who Loves Nature and loves Getting Away, not a Musician who loves immersing myself in music and music all the time. i just felt like a mistake, mis-cast in some surreal play. the days wore on and i adjusted and tolerated but never felt at home, and i was glad to leave. i felt guilty for feeling that, for sure. ach, poor little major label recording artiste.

coming home, i faced the longest stretch of time off we've had in a while. piles of Shit To Do towered on my desk and i attacked them with a viscous fervor, cleaning and organizing like the OCD person i never was, or never had the luxury to be. it's been nice to let myself off the songwriting hook, since i'm piano-less. there is a grand-sized space in my bedroom where the piano once stood, since it got shipped off to the various studios where we've been recording. we eased ourselves back into a rehearsal schedule, barely playing with each other and instead tending to our Real Lives and our relationships. everything is moving sort of slowly, but the future is barreling in. it's a strange feeling. did i mention that i've been feeling really strange? we go into the studio about every other day now, recording vocals and polishing the tracks at sean and paul's studio in cambridge. it feels like a job. it's so much different form the first record when everything felt so do-or-die and immediate. this is so relaxed and easy and non-immediate. i wonder if it's good or bad. it's so odd to be going through this process sand simultaneously trying to write the introduction and notes to the sheet music for our last record. chronicling this whole experience from three years ago. the differences between then and my life now are so glaring and refuse to make any real sense of themselves. i just sat in the middle of my bare bedroom with the grand-sized hole and listened to the first 8 rough mixes of songs on my stereo. they sounded empty. is it me? the songs? the recording? my speakers? am i losing it? i hope i'm losing it. that way there's a much better chance that that songs sound Brilliant and i'm just not noticing.

but music. i've been to some great shows in my few nights off. i went to see the white stripes, which was educational, and MIA, which was radical, and Antony and the Johnsons, which was above all...genius. he sings and my heart needs a chiropractor. that....and i went to see jaggery play ( and i am reminded again and again how the human voice can just transport you. it all makes me excited to tour again in october. the tour is going to be amazing, all of our friends on a bus together and an easy schedule with only 16 could it be that i've changed this much? i'm actually looking forward to going on tour, to get back to the grind. but the grind doesn't seem like a grind, it seems like an opportunity, an escape from this, a chance to connect with the world again. the strangeness i'm feeling, it;s kind of a loneliness, i think. i have found some excellent new teas. white tea with blueberry. green tea with pear. it's the Shit.

last night i made a major mistake and watched the movie "Seven". i stayed up all night shaking and couldn't get the images out of my head and finally asked my date to drive me home, where i didn't get to sleep til four in the morning and awoke with waking nightmares in my head. i tried to remedy this by motivating to the store this afternoon and buying DVDs of "Pretty in Pink" and "The Dark Crystal", which will hopefully sooth me and erase all traces of evil-knife-bondage-dildos and baptist serial killers from my sensitive brain. what the fuck? i experienced this same sort of trauma when i watched "requiem for a dream" about four years ago at my sister's house over thanksgiving. i couldn't talk to anyone normally for a day or two. it makes me think about how much we're at the mercy of the incoming. what do i see, hear, experience just riding my bicycle to the store and back and how much garbage is in my head, the sirens, the poverty, the city and it's callousness....wreaking havoc?

the woods are obviously not the answer. so?


p.s. book time
this is the book i've been reading lately, and it's Amazing: "The Inner Game of Tennis" by W. Timothy Gallwey. It's basically a Zen and the Art of Tennis book, applicable to anything in life but using tennis as a springboard to explain how our bodies instinctively learn and will perform at peak levels when left alone and not judged. don't worry, the irony is not lost on me.


blogsurfer said...

I came across your site while blog surfing around (something I like to do when I'm board :-). You have a really cool blog. If you are interested, go see my Outrageous Auctions site. It's just a fun site but you may find something to entertain you.

sidus said...

hi amanda,

This "inner game of" series of books is great. I read "the inner game of music" by Barry Green to help me overcome my fear of an audience, and the tricks just work amazingly.

aagje said...

oooh, amanda, i concur with your taste in movies! seven and requiem both left me sleepless for the night and paranoid for quite some time. it's nice to hear that you're looking forward to touring. SO ARE WE!!! And, by any chance, are you guys coming to Europe any time soon?? I'd love to see you again...

crazyjaneski said...

"Requiem For A Dream" made me totally sick, too. I felt like I'd been dragged through slime, and it wouldn't come off for days. I also felt that way whenever I watched the local news in Los Angeles, before I moved to Prague.

Here in Prague, I've had big plans to get away from all the incoming there is there -- billboards in my language, people, filth, movie stars, everyone looking like a swimsuit model and wanting to become rich and famous in show-business -- and work on my art projects. I've got all these ideas for installations, and want to find a way to build them. I thought Prague, and a 25 hour a week job teaching English (my equivalent of the lap of luxury recording studio, maybe) would give me the time and space to try to find the voice I've been choking on for years.

Now that I'm here, though, I find myself unable to concentrate on it, and feeling escapist. I just walk and walk through the streets here, and don't seem to think much of anything. I think a big part of me is afraid to begin, because I might suck, and I'd hate to come face to face with that.

I don't know if your songs are empty or not, but I doubt they are. I don't think you're capable of it, and you and Brian are doing beautiful work. I can't wait to hear them.

Plus, I second that request from sparklingjane with greater specificity: Do come to Praha!

deadbolt said...

i watched 'requiem for a dream', I still feel slightly affected by it, it made me think about how people's lifes do drift apart...maybe not to that extent (although in some cases it might do). I realised how much it does happen,but it happens so slowly it did with me and a some people I used to hang around with, it creaps up and then you realise and its to late. I still think 'why?' and 'how?'...and 'seven' also stuck in my head for a was sloth that got me...but I did think that the seven deadly sins point...that they are sins everyone commits to various degrees...hopefully never as brutal as portrayed in the film.

As for your music...I am in love with your album and the songs on it...but I understand the emptyness you feel when you listen to them...the songs would probably sound beautiful to some people...

and I hope you come to England soon (I would of loved to have seen you perform in scotland but I didnt have transport).

JN said...

I’m sorry that you’re feeling like an alien. I wish I had something wise and healing to say but all I can contribute is that most of us experience that horrible, “How did I get here?” feeling at times. And it’s especially puzzling when we can’t identify obvious triggers.

I’m currently reading Ian McEwan’s novel “Saturday,” which takes place in a single day in the life of a neurosurgeon. A lot of story involves the different reactions and emotions triggered by the various external events. And while his own experience as a neurosurgeon informs his understanding of how his mind works, it is an interesting examination of how complex we are, how vulnerable to stimuli, how we might understand something scientifically, but we are still so little in control of our emotions.

Your entry today (particularly your reaction to “Seven”) reminds me of something in another novel I read recently – Mary Gordon’s “Pearl.” One of the book’s characters describes another as lacking the adequate filters that protect most people from being overwhelmed by the ugly things in life. Our filters are all set at different levels, and you seem to be one of those people that feel things very strongly, for better and worse.

There are so many “inputs” we can’t control, but your impulse to stay away from more movies like “Seven” is wise. I’m no fan of celebrity self-help gurus, but Tony Robbins is right when he advises people to “change their state” when they are experiencing depression and negativity. Whether it’s watching movies you love, spending time with friends, dancing like a dervish, walking in the sun, or drinking blueberry tea (yuck!), you need to do nurturing, productive things. Focusing on someone else – e.g. spending time with a child, doing volunteer work -- can also be a good antidote to torturing yourself with self-analysis.

Glad you’re feeling good about the tour. I’m looking forward to the Halloween show at Avalon.


P.S. As a lifelong tea drinker (though more of a purist), I find myself wondering where you get your tea. I’d recommend Upton Tea Imports ( Great selection, wonderful service, and I love the customized labels (“Packed for Amanda Palmer on dd/mm/yy”).

artist said...

Your honesty about the wierdness of your creative process up there in the woods is interesting/inspiring.

Olivia said...

Hello Amanda.

First of all, I'd like to say how big a fan I am of your music. You are truely amazing.

Second of all, my GOSH. Reqium for a Dream. I saw that movie last year. We happened to be playing the theme song in orchestra, and I thought, "Wow, this sounds great, I wonder what the movie is like. ^__^"
*watched tha movie*
Ha, not being able tot alk normally to people after seeing, that's exactly how I felt. Hee hee!

As for the weirdness and anxiousness, it's often hard to pin point where it's coming from. If you find out what it is, please share your findings with me, I'd love to know so I can help myself as well.

Everything will be okay. I hope you feel better.

Taylor said...

hey amanda, i love you guys. I would kill to see your show in Chicago but school stuffs getting in the way. Can't wait to hear new music.

A Unique Alias said...

I think it's interesting that just two months ago, you seemed to have the same reaction to touring as you now seem to have for being at home. I hope you find somewhere that is comfortable, and I'm sure the album will be stellar.

ResidentC said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ResidentC said...

Hey. May I say one thing? Maybe its just not time.

Miss Melis said...

I know exactly what you mean about the movies. I had the same feeling with both and also with American History X, only worse. I kept telling myself it's only a movie, but what good does that do when these events happen all the time.
"at the mercy of the incoming" as soon as I read that, it made me think of Chuck Palahniuk's Lullaby. Have you read it? If not, it's about this culling poem that's really a spell that will kill anyone who hears it, a plague you catch thru your ears. The main character tries to destroy all copies of it to keep people from dying just by watching an infomercial, and things of the like. Just a tad more drastic than what you were saying, but it seemed fitting.
I can't wait to see you in Columbus! Take care, I hope the recording process gets easier for you. Love,


cryptickim said...

im a huge fan of the dresden dolls. not a claim thats new to you im sure. anyways. i just wanted to comment on your acute sense of self perception. it just amazes me that you can look upon yourself with an alytical and thoughtfull eye. its something i admire.

cryptic kim

meredith said...

Your comparison of the road up to the recording studio area to the movie 'The Shining' reminded me of a video I recently came across online -- The Shining. Some creative soul out there edited some scenes from The Shining together to make it look like a feel-good family movie, it actually turned out really well. If you're up for a laugh check it out, it's only about 30-45 seconds long.

Sorry to hear that you're going through some uneasy put it lightly. I hope the tour this month does pick your spirits up! I'll see you here in Boston on Halloween!

Shawn said...

I just had that strange case of unease too. I spent a week in New York (my first visit) with some friends and felt completely not myself. The first night there I had met up with someone that I had only known from afar and after that everything was cast in a weird shade. Hunger was gone, everything I worked for this last 6 years seemed so small, and I felt totally out of place. New York is 2 weeks behind me know and that feeling hasn't left. This is where I am, but is it where I should be? It's defintely not, but it seems I've lost any idea of what it should be. What lies around our separate states I know is completely different. Just that uneasiness about and indifference over who you are and what's happening is universal.

Mystery Bug said...

I just wonder how one can NOT feel like an alien inside a regular "professional" recording studio? I swear most of these places are designed to kill any joy and beauty in music. As soon as I put headphones on, I lose all connection with the music I'm creating. I hate recording studios.

Claire said...

It must be bizarre to be bombared with support from strangers.

Needless to say, finding solace in tea and yoga is familiar to me. Your recording excursion sounds parallel to how I'm feeling about university right now. Right up to, and including being surrounded by woods and fleeing instead to an area of populace.

Things will jive for you again, eventually, I'm sure. They say you are always your biggest critic - and it's true. Best of luck finding equalibrium.

Andrea's Your Lucky Charm said...

I think I know the feeling you are referring to. You go to a place foreign to what you're used to. Different from you're usual creative environment and you're there for so long that everything seems to become unreal and sometimes you have to look at your surrondings and ask yourself "am I really here and is this really happening?" Everything starts to feel less than what it is. I can describe it with an oxymoron, a heavy weigtlessness.It sounds to me like you've taken that feeling home with you in some ways and it's caused you to unintentionally over-think some things. Like you got that feeling that you have to do better than you did before but nothing seems up to par even though it more than likely is. Maybe you need a vacation from your thoughts. I, personally, have full faith the album will be great and can't wait to see you guys in Kansas City. Till then, Best Wishes!

snowman said...

i can relate to how you feel about the songs sounding empty. i'm not a musician but i write for my college's newspaper. every time i turn in my colume for editing i always think it doesn't live up to the pervious ones that i wrote. however the editor and readers always say that it's better than the last one. i guess it just goes with the territory of being creative. like they say (and who are they to say anything anyway? but i digress) "you're your toughest critic".

i'm sure you've heard this a lot but i loved the 1st album and i'm sure this one will be great as well.

Requiem left me to wake up the next morning curled in the featal postion and checking to make sure i still had my arm. powerful movie.

maxrob said...

this often happens to me when I do my work like I'm part of the machine. but if you think the result is still part of the big machine. the way is you do your job without being involved in the catch. still I wonder where I lost my wills.

maia said...

I love "Requiem for a Dream"! See, watch me differ. No, i'm a film-ie. it is brilliant. Powerful, true. i can see how one is effected by it. "One" is fun, and Omniscient, but annoying when used to excess. Lonely, fucked up, lost in the pollution of the crust(earth surface)? Obviously bad metaphor...needs explaining. sorry, space wasting. The foreign thing where you feel like a surgical pin in a compound fracture operation. Regardless of how short the doctors say you'll be in there, you don't believe it, you won't out straight away. You think your not fitting in; all this bone, blood and muscle - no welcome mat for metal. Not doing any good, you think? But the injury needs you to stay straight, on track. Your work is a fucking saviour. Olio or whatnot; the pressure must be unforgiving. i won't begin to comprehend...on second thoughts, i will definately try for you. I go through months of the metal pin thing, poeple will try to tell you it's just a feeling, but you will argue, state without hesitation that they are all wrong. they always are. you tell them you are the metal.This is too long. so, grip the sides, deal with the whits blood cells. touring with hopfully be your removal, ironic. opposite affect in your world. How is Brian? Did u tell him how u were/are, or can he just tell? I am having a doco party for my 17th, we are going to make an erratic and improvised documentry. Let's hope the world doesn't self-destruct too severely before then. if you think that you aren't worthy of the location, you'd be wrong. Love M.

marian said...

Dahlin, have you seen The Dark Crystal? Not so sure that's the pick for lightening the mood.

shandance said...

Hiya, been following your posts for a while and like 'artist' says in his post, thanks for your honesty.
I am a performance artist currently breaking from travelling in a country foreign to my own but english speaking so not totally unfamiliar and yet I feel wrong, stagnated and uninspired.
I am going to attempt to remedy this by returning to my roots so to speak, im reading text books that I read in uni and listening to artists that have inspired me in the past and it is helping.
All will be good for you again soon. And I eagerly anticipate your new album as I have nearly worn out the current.

Thanks for your creativity and music!


Btw, have you heard of musician/choreographer Meredith Monk? I would be interested to know what you think of her work.

Lindsay said...

I just listened to you guys on Open Source which was VERY cool. ^_^ I was wondering if you plan on doing any shows in Los Angeles anytime? We all miss you out here.


Dres_Head said...

Amanda like you said, a musicians first album is like giving away your musical virginity. (not Word for word) and i completely agree with you on that.

ahh i hate movies that fuck with my head like that, they take forever to get over.

Im happy that your happy to tour again, just let me know when your coming to AZ and then i'll be extra extra happy! :D

I love you, really I do

paper-doll said...

I actually liked Requiem For a Dream :S Saw it a few weeks back. And The Dark Crystal!!! I haven't seen that since I was about eight. I must find it.

miranda said...

maybe that feeling of fragmentation is the natural state of all cognant beings and experiencing it is reaching a clarity of perception that is normally absent due to the filters? but i think that it is rather the result of too many outside inputs that you are not normally used to. it is impossible to understand the extent to which even the most insignificant things in the world fuck with our minds. and escape is impossible. only temporary relief can be achieved. It's funny... nothing you really, really want happens the way you think it will. which might not even be a bad thing.

PIG said...

Hi Amanda,

If your songs sound empty to you, don't let them get away before you are totally satisfied with them. Either love or punish those fuckers until they are what you have in mind.

Just got tickets for your show in Boulder on the 12th. I can't wait to see you there!

P.S. I'm not sure if The Dark Crystal is going to help...

Andren said...

You might like a book titled 'Body Mind Mastery'. Can't remember the name of the author. It's along the same lines as your tennis book, but approaches exercise and athletics as a whole from a mental and physical balance perspective.

la_traviata said...

I don't know if you read these, but anyway...

You are a goddess. Your show here in Sydney last year still lingers in my memory as one of the best gigs I've ever seen. I hope you rediscover your love affair with music soon.

You have a precious gift to share with the world.


PS I always have to self-censor movies. I've never seen Requiem for a Dream as what I've heard about it indicates I really shouldn't watch it...

blissofsuede said...

i know this is insanely off the subject of anything you posted...and i am sorry for that...but i feel i must make an urgent request, if you actually read these comments...

would you guys consider coming further south (like birmingham, al or atlanta, ga)? i know it could seem an ordeal, considering assumptions are your fan base is not generally located in the bible belt...but i know of at least six people that would come to the show, lol...and while that may not seem worth the effort, i do believe i'd piss my pants if you decided to appease this request...

consider it...please...

Heather said...

Blah blah blah the band is GOOD. I can concur. But one would think you can only respond to the same question/comment so many times before you become desensitized.

I wonder if all this blogging has anything to do with the way we view therapy? Even there its all just one sided conversation in hopes to fix ourselves as if two sided being woudn't be as benefical.

I find it strange.

I also find it stranger how niceness can come off as someone hitting on you.

But when you work for mania tv and someone compliments you on your shirt and seems rather forward, you would think to yourself yes I would flirt if I wasn't at work. But instead i shove myself up into the driver's seat of the tour bus and oggle through the lcd screen of the camera fliming the organic and eccentric Amanda.

That is all.

Two sided conversation is so much more filling. Like crepes. I like crepes.

lollirotcandy said...

hmmm your trip thing sounded uhhh i like your music i used to play the piano until my teacher "gave up" and of those days ya know? you have an interesting style that sets you apart i know youve heard that a zillion times before by your "biggest fan" ...well im not your "biggest" but your music is insperational so ya buh bi

Starla said...

Dear Amanda,

I often feel the emptiness of new times. It is a strange feeling especially for a musician. I am sure that your album will be beautiful. We are our own worst critics.
I can't wait to see you guys tonight at the Fox theatre! I met you once before at the Fillmore when you were here with NIN. I am sure you met millions on that tour, so hopefully I can meet you again tonight.

p.s. you know the heart pounding experience you had with Cindy? I have that feeling when I see the Dresden Dolls at 21 so... THANX for all that you do.

pig said...

I just got home from the boulder show. I cannot possibly put into words how I am feeling right now. Although I will give it an exhausted half assed attempt...

The last half of the show just...floored me. The elation I feel right now can only be equated to warm afternoon in a sweaty embrace or a first kiss or anything close that is just too good to try to put into words. Amanda, you and Brian just reached into my chest and yanked at my heart with a fishing hook. I was a fan before, but now I am devoted. I haven't felt like this for years. (and by years I mean like 10) You are beautiful and wonderful and all kinds of other "ful". Thank you for making the feeling of a jaded life dissipate.


pig said...

I just got home from the boulder show. I cannot possibly put into words how I am feeling right now. Although I will give it an exhausted half assed attempt...

The last half of the show just...floored me. The elation I feel right now can only be equated to warm afternoon in a sweaty embrace or a first kiss or anything close that is just too good to try to put into words. Amanda, you and Brian just reached into my chest and yanked at my heart with a fishing hook. I was a fan before, but now I am devoted. I haven't felt like this for years. (and by years I mean like 10) You are beautiful and wonderful and all kinds of other "ful". Thank you for making the feeling of a jaded life dissipate.


Mindesign said...

AMANDA, Greetings. So I'm really curious as to why you're feeling strange. Is it the growing "recognition" and change in routine? It doesn't feel the same, something feels different and 'wrong'...not that you're going to address the question personally but...if you feel like expounding on this in your next entry..i'm very curious. Oh, and I will see you tomorrow night in Iowa City and I plan on making out with you the entire time you're trying to sing...but i won't get in the way of your fingers...promise. Mkay. :D

erin said...

You probably get a lot of this, but what the hell. I like your taste. For your pleasure: some songs to look for (if you need any more) on the P2Ps.
Toby Goodshank: Sunny Sunny Cold Cold Day.
Coil: The Box (The LeMarchand Configuration).
The Delgados: All You Need Is Hate.
The Delgados: Keep on Breathing.
Acid Bath: Dead Girl.
Deadboy and the Elephantmen: Barefoot in the Dark.
Old Crow Medicine Show: Lonesome Road Blues.
Ernie Cline: Nerd Porn Auteur.
Raven Solano & Brer Brian: Lift up Your Kilt (and Show Them Your Balls).
Shappy Seasholtz: Butterfly.
The Frames: anything from Burn the Maps.
Frank Zappa: Food Gathering in Post-Industrial America, 1992.
Jon Brion: Here We Go.
Karyna McGlynn: Depeche Modo Synthesis.
Laurie Anderson: One Beautiful Evening.
Mark Lanegan: anything from Bubblegum.

-a newly-struck fan

- Amanda - said...

I am extremely excited about the concert on Monday.

Aravis Crockford said...

ooh, comments
reading that you went to see the White Stripes made me smile.. and I'll definitely (..sp..) look at, I don't understand what it means to be transported in any way by hearing someone's voice :P but I'd love to look into it heh I have some idea but I'm afraid it isn't ...I don't know.
having just erased about a paragraph or so just now, uhm.. I don't think I want to rant this time

I like reading your entries, I've been wanting to say somewhere that you two are extremely ...loved, adored, :P -by soo many people that I know, and me,- and it was just the wierdest feeling having heard one of your songs in sixth grade,playing on a brilliant classmate's blog, for the first time and well

Goodnight. Hope you find your way

shianna...who else? said...

Hey amanda and Bryan.
if you guys ever need to get away or something you could always come hang with me. i promise not to bore. haha in meh dreams. i met you the 15th at the metro. i was with the sound guy. it was great meeting you. everyone goes through that time where they just want to get away and leave everything. i've gone through it 3897535 times. if you ever need any help or suggestions you can ask me. everyone else does. and i can be of help. my email is
i'd love hearing from you.

ashley proctor said...

Hey there...

I saw your show in Kansas City on the 13th at the Madrid Theatre. Let me tell you, I just turned 22, and I have recently realized that I am getting to the age where I can tell the difference between great music and crap. I loved the entire Dresden Dolls experience from beginning to end. The opening acts were outstanding, and your show was absolutely electrifying!!!! Thank you for such a wonderful experience. Being from Kansas City, I am deprived many times of concerts worth my time and money, as the midwest is not exactly the hotspot for concert tours. Hey, at least it isn't Iowa...those poor people get nothing!

So feeling so very connected to you through your music (I find it moving, and relate to it in ways you cannot even imagine (This would make you laugh if you saw me, as I am a 5 foot tall clean cut nursing student...I look like, oh, perhaps an Avril fan to most.)I found your diary on your website to learn more about the people behind the music, and I want to thank you for your insight, intelligence, and mindfullness. It is always nice to come across people like you who are so aware of the world around them. I think we all need it, especially in this country. You're right, it is hard to experience silence even in a silent room. Been experiencing this myself lately...and I appreciate your advice.

Looking forward to the new album! Once again, I feel it is so important to express gratitude for an amazing experience.


ashley proctor said...

This is where my thoughts reside.

Rameshacklee said...

I know what movies will put me in just the state you are talking about. "Seven" doesn't get me though, its too much a mystery to me and I can absorb it that way. "Requiem for a Dream" always throws me off though. After that movie I have to find something beautiful about the world or else I sink into a grim mood. For some reason, "Lost in Translation" always puts me in this strange mindscape where I suddenly wonder where the hell my life is going. I feel for you.

morgan said...

i found your blog in your site and i just wanted to say i love your cd. i just bought it but i've been listening for a while. my favorite is half jack because it really relates to me.
you have such a great voice! write more music!
i'm going to post some of my lyrics on my blogger, please read!

Becky said...


I just went to your concert that was about two days ago in Grand Rapids. Very fucking awesome. I've been listening to your music for over a year and was shocked to see the ad saying that you'd be playing right in my home town.

Oh, I broke one of your markers when I signed that one sign thing... sorry about that. It just fell apart when I went to put the cap on...

Anyway, I enjoyed playing with your coin operated girls.

HugoBall said...

hey Doll, you are an exqisite human being.thanks for sharing with us.

[x] said...

i know the feeling of being an alien in a strange land. as of late i have this cold emptiness in my heart. that emptiness has begun spreading into my brain and throughout my body. like a cancer devouring everything i thought i was. i've never felt so alone. wherever i go, i feel like i don't belong. but it's not the place, it's me. i no longer belong in myself, i don't belong in my life. i feel as though my life until recently was someone else's, and now i'm stuck here, trying to cope. i have no idea what to do anymore.

mollixs said...

i know exactly how you feel, about feeling really weird and not knowing why. i get that all the time.
maybe it's because of the nice recording studio, and you're not used to it and it feels weird recording in a different environment?

anyways, i just saw you on the 22nd at mr small's in pittsburgh. it was the best show i've ever been to.
every song you did sounded amazing!
(im sure you get that a lot, but anyway, i just wanted to say, i really enjoyed it.)

Nyx said...

Just stumbled across this today - you probably have enough comments to wade through already - but just to add my 2 cents worth...maybe your head and body were just not quite in the same place, it happens. I'm sure equilibrium will return (and despite readers comments that the Dark Crystal might be a bit on the, well, dark side of Pretty in Pink type entertainment, it is about equilibrium at least).

Requiem, ugh, yeah, that left me feeling dirty, dirty. Addiction, loneliness, repetition. It cuts close to the bone...

p.s. One of your friends (who's in the Vanity Set) does a great job of plugging you guys on her photosite - it's how I found out about your work :)

The Angel and The Doll said...

Amanda, I hope by today you are feeling better and back into the swing of touring. We're coming to see your show at higher ground in burlington tonight and we're just about as excited as humanly possible!


Amanda said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Amanda said...

amanda. so long since that first halloween. you're in a dream and i'm a married fool. while i rot in my tub i mimick girl anachronism--i bet you didn't know that song was about me. i knew you for a week. maybe two. i'll never forget that cum in a whiskey vial, every time i see one i think of you.

cheers, to reno dakota and australian wine and strangers and cabarets and unbridled success and a past that is so removed from me it could have been a dream.

when the boy that i am wedded to saw you on the television he thought i'd like you, he didn't know i already knew you.

jagged tao said...

I spend the last few months of the year occasional musing that when you were really cool to me when u signed my cd at glastonbury I should have asked you to accompany me to lost vagueness and suddenly i find out that just after i walked away from the bright eyes gig you run on stage naked. Good lord madame!

jagged tao said...

I spend the last few months of the year occasional musing that when you were really cool to me when u signed my cd at glastonbury I should have asked you to accompany me to lost vagueness and suddenly i find out that just after i walked away from the bright eyes gig you run on stage naked. Good lord madame!

Well, I really liked the cd when I got it home, and the gig, as I said (I'm sure you recall, I was about a foot taller than all the other kids waiting for autographs and felt rightfully self conscious about that fact) was great. Good luck with the future

Anonymous said...

Hey Amanda.

I know exactly how you feel about how much we are at the mercy of the incoming. I would reccommend you watch a movie called "What the *BLEEP* Do We Know?"

(yes, that really is the title. With the *BLEEP* in it)

Rent it or buy it, doesn't matter. Just watch it. It might help you out with some soul searching things. Certainly helped me.

I know this is just another comment on your blog, out of the 54 that are here right now.

But, I was at work, and I had your CD playing in the store, and this girl came up to the counter and was like bouncing around saying she was from Cambridge, and she saw you and stuff, and she was SO excited to hear your CD being played at my store and that you guys were getting airplay.

Yes I do work at a CD store, and it's not a little one, it's a rather big chain of stores that's been around since the 70s here in Wash, DC.

Little things make people happy. She was happy, which made me happy, and I thought the story might bring some peace into your own soul.

You guys rock.


diego said...

i didnt watch those movies, neither reas those books.

you're just stressed.


Mindesign said...

i went mad at the concert in IC. i was playing the air piano on my Girlfriends back. She forbade me from jumping on stage and devouring you though. so i just listened and watched; and it couldn't have been more lovely.

Wen Spencer said...

I have had THE DRESDEN DOLLS on autoplay for like three days now. Love love LOVE your stuff. Just had to come and find out more about you. ....boy that sounds like spooky stalker stuff.....

Anonymous said...