Sunday, February 18, 2007

audi 5.O

(...cue sad, funerary-like violin music, dubbed over with charging horses and bugle...)

in the words of john wayne: i am blowing this popsicle stand.

i have gathered myself up and am heading off into the great unknown and am (gaa) completely unplugging from the interweb and telephone for several weeks.
my email is set to autoreply.

with the exception of a few retreats (never more than a week) to meditate in the woods in western mass, i have never deliberately decided to switch off like this.
i feel like it's an imperative. i really don't like the part of myself that reaches for the phone or the email the minute i have a blank space in my life.
it frightens me. we're all becoming like this.
it's amazing to be connected but there needs to be enough real life occurring so that the connections are not empty.
faster speeds, more friends, bigger webs of contact, finding old contacts, blogging...all doesn't mean shit if the underlying content isn't worth sharing or reflecting on.
we are all, i think, faced with so many choices and so much temptation to plug in, post, respond, search, find, share further, etc. that we are also forced to engage in a constant struggle between self and self-sharing and reflection. you're looking at one of the guiltiest parties. too many times i catch myself living as my own archivist. that, i think, i the main reason i have to unplug for a while.
of course i won't be able to stop collecting experiences, lyrics, mental photos, whatever, in my vast mental shoe box marked "to synthesize"...but at least i'll be forcing myself to synthesize within the hour or the day.

i was on the phone with edward form the pink dots as i was packing this morning. he too says he gets sucked in to the internet addiction, checking email every few minutes, unable to unplug.
he goes to his girlfriends in finland to get away and write, clear head, where there is no internet and he's forced to re-concentrate. we find ways....if we don't have the discipline at home, we leave. i'm leaving.

the retreat im doing is an intensive yoga teacher training camp, no leisure time. wake up at 6 am, meditation and yoga all day, crash to bed in dorm rooms, wake up, repeat.
no caffeine, no dairy, all vegetarian, certainly no drinking and smoking...full-on detox, major self-inspection and physical tuning. godspeed me.

before i forget, there're another place i want to point you guys....several people commented in delight about the "funerary violin" music rotating in my disc-changer.
this is the result of a recent correspondence i have taken up with a highly esteemed and talented Rohan K, who penned the recently hailed book:
"An Incomplete History of the Art of Funerary Violin". i suggest reading it, it's full of mystery, sadness and wisdom (and scores for you violinists).
there are clips from historic funerary violin scores up at
in addition, Mr. K fronts his own piano-centric tom-waits-y band, which is beautiful and can be found here:

more oh
those of you wondering about the title of the last blog (and why there wasn't more fucking and fighting detailed)

the reference was to sxip shirey's song in which he sings (through a megaphone, no less):

"i live in new york city
i live in new york city
i live in new york city
i fuck, i fight in new york city."

songs the SHIT. i hear tell that both brian and reggie were invited to record on sxips album so keep the eye out.
there's a clip of him playing this song at the show we all played at joe pub the other night with reggie watts beatboxing to back him up... can't hear the lyrics in the clip but its STILL the shit:

as far as the gory-detailed chronicling of my fucking and fighting, it will have to wait until my golden-years autobiography, when all the complicit parties are either dead or senile.

i'm writing this on the plane to santa fe, where i'm going to visit my step-sister lisa for a few days before i hit it.
she's almost four months pregnant and this will be the first baby in my immediate family. i cant wait to rub her belly. i'm psyched: auntie manda.
i will bestow on this child his or her first beatles record unless somebody else beats me to it.

shaving your head bald (a la britney) seems to be the last resort when you have no control over your life and need to re-self-define. i did it when i was 21 and freaking out in college. brian did it when we were recording the first record. bob geldof/pink did it in The Wall. it's natural. i personally thinks she looks hot. i'd hit it.

this is the first time in years that i am on a plane heading towards myself.
packing was fucking confusing.
i am so used to packing for tour on autopilot that i had forgotten how to pack for "vacation".
about a year r two ago i stopped packing and unpacking certain things and just left my bags packed when i got home.
road clothes, road bathroom shit, show bag would all just sit in my bedroom until the next flight or tour, which was never far off.
it felt wrong to be hitting the road without an extra roll of black gaffer tape. i relented; i left it at home.

after the retreat i'm heading straight do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-fucking-shit into the studio to start tinkering with the solo record.
i want to step off the plane and immediately hit the piano before my brain has a chance to start gathering junk and static.
i've got folders of lyrics and lists of songs ready to go....and a soul ready to explode, so i can't imagine the pre-production won't go well.
i'm going to stay relatively unplugged in the studio, just to give my brain and fingers a rest.
by the time thats done it'll be mid-march and i'll head back to boston and NYC for re-plugging, talking, emailing, dancing and wine-drinking. wine rocks.

i love planes in general but i especially love planes when there's a 6 year-old sitting behind me who just doesnt get over the fact that we're in the air and keeps giving a running commentary on how awesome everything looks outside the window. america's covered in snow. the Great Lake is covered with patterns of floating ice shifting like membranes over the waves. sun is so low that the buildings on the shore are casting solid shapes on the surface, which is a dark jade color, which makes the whole view look like a deco painting. the kids mom is explaining the ice. i just dropped into my lap an article on barack obama and i felt that surging zeitgeist-feeling of hope for this sad country. right now, things don't look bad from up here.

i also read through the last five months of fan mail while i was at home this week. and everything that came with it, the books, the zines, the discs, the poems, the pain, the love, all the deep connection. i wish i could express to you how insanely fucking lucky i feel, but its impossible. it's impossible but maybe it's not necessary, because you guys already Get It.

read yall on the flipside, motherfuckers.





Bryan said...

go be healthy

revive yourself

come back with stories

you will be missed

Damien said...

Thank you for this reminder.

Sara said...

I'm insanely jealous about your retreat. It's a good thing you're strong enough to tear yourself away from the crazy world and realize you need that time off.

Good luck with your post-retreat activities, although you don't need it.

Len Tower Jr. said...


it's so amazingly, shiny great to see one blog, let alone two in a row, where you are so happy and life flowing.

enjoy -len

Priyanka said...

hey did you get my letter?

andrea said...

i'm really happy for you right now, amanda.
i know you need this.
i'll keep my eye on the internet for you.
or maybe...
i should totally disconnect and follow your lead.
what's a reasonable number?
5 days?
could i go 5 days with out the internet?
i need to email to do work for school.
that really can't be avoided unless i'm willing to fail.
but with that small exception of school emailing, i wonder if i could do it.
my computer is in my room.
it would taunt me every morning when i woke up.
"get on me and find out what new things have happened before you go to class/work."
"check me before bed, night cap, night cap."
i think i would succumb to technology.
or maybe not, only one way to find out.

it's amazing to be connected but there needs to be enough real life occurring so that the connections are not empty.

that's a great point.
it's funny.
i don't know if i could go without the internet for 5 days, but i know i could go without my cellphone.
sometimes i do.
i love technology.
it's amazing, and in it's reasonable doses, it's a wonderful thing.
but when i see people at the movies, or out with their friends, or involved in some kind of social activity, and they're on their cells texting their life away when there is all this life going on around them, right smack dab in front of them, i want to take that phone from their hands and shake them til they realize what they're doing.
why are you on your phone texting when you could be with the people right here who are there to be with you?
it saddens me when people text more than they talk.
pretty soon your whole relationship will exist solely on your cell phone.
i think it's why i've kept the same shitty cell phone for the past 3 years.
if i don't like it then i will be less inclined to use it.
i'm no exception from this texting mechanism.
it's tempting and we are all only human.
so i'll do what i can to keep myself from falling into it.
am i delaying the inevitable?
fuck no. i'm fooling myself.
we just have a different drug of choice.
mine is the internet.
i've turned the internet into my cellphone.
talk about cueing the violins.

so, since you don't go back and read comments on old blogs... i hadn't commented yet on "i fuck i fight...". i missed the 12 hour mark i guess. actually, i found this blog entry because i was heading here to comment on the last. anyways, this is the thought i had from the last blog. i'm just gonna post it here.

it's seems like the life of a touring musician must be like being in school. you work for months at a time with a day off here and there, and then finally when (or maybe slightly after) you're about to go crazy, you get some actual quality time off. you're on your summer vacation.
you want to pack everything you can into that little bottle of time and you don't care if it starts to overflow. nor should you really. it's your time, do what you want with it. otherwise you'll wish you had. fuck and fight on, amanda.

hm, i wonder if you'll read this a month from now or if there will be some internet checking before you go full on off.
either way, i hope you have/had some amazing experiences, and i know you'll share what you can.

we'll see what happens with my internet evacuation. i'll let you know next blog.

all my love,


Seán said...

I'm glad that you're going to help purify your life. Unrelated, I'm actually doing the same this week, with fasting and OCD cleaning. But I can't give up my internets.
I can honestly say that I will miss you a lot. Don't forget about us. <33

Anonymous said...

I hope you have a lovely time on vacation. You shall be missed by these internet junkies that reply to your blog & me and my fellow fans of yours on myspace.

stay healthy.
be happy.
Return ready to kick some ass.

David said...

Yeah, what Len Tower says. Nice. Deep. Breaths.

u n p l u g

Your internet connections will be patiently waiting for you ...

Can't wait to hear more of your music, but I will ...

David said...

audi 5.0?

David said...

it IS an imperative
those 'blank spaces'
should be left blank
they're like rests
(the music needs them)
we don't need
continuous data
the connectedness tends
to be vacuous
faking anonymity
sucking us in


but, not


too long, OK?


SBG said...

I hope you enjoy yoga boot camp! It sounds really awesome.

Something you said a few posts ago was echoed again here--sometimes I think artists need to occasionally produce things with the explicit intent not to share them. (If they renege later, that's their call.)

I was talking to a poet friend of mine (who is on the faculty of a major state university), and she was talking through some issues, and I asked if she wrote about them. She said no, but she should, but she doesn't because she doesn't like it when people publish that sort of thing.

You obviously have no issue with that (and we love you for it), but sometimes separating from the constant audience our culture is strangely capable of providing is really important for figuring out what we're really up to.

Beautiful_Wretched_Liar said...

Aside from being insanely jealous of your yoga boot camp, I am really happy that you get to spend some time unplugged.
And its really funny about the whole head shaving thing. I shaved half of my head last year while I was trying to cope with my mum's illness... Its weird how so many different people shave their heads will shave their head just so that they can have control over ONE thing in their life. Its rather liberating to have the razor in your hand, give yourself one look in the mirror and just shave it. Usually you stop and smile at yourself in the mirror after the first shave, touch where the hair used to be and then madly hack off the rest. And suddenly I too find Britney Spears attractive. Weird. very weird. But we won't tell anyone...
So have fun doing yoga and working out kinks. Don't forget that you have an obligation to your awesomeness when your solo stuff comes out to completely melt our faces off with your talent.
Adieu, et bonjour, comme toujours.

deadbolt said...

how strong are these connections? i see them detatched somewhat from the people writing them, i see words, words with meaning, but words, i don't want to know the people writing them. but i want to know the words.
i like the sound of your retreat, the calm sound. take care.

Ben said...

Unplugged is a necessity. For myself, it is being 37 and having the first 26 years of my life with no internet. So I need time with a book or just playing with our basset hound for two hours. Safe travels! By the way, since I actually get to post a comment before 100 other people do, a quick comment about the music. Thank you so much. "The Perfect Fit" is right up there with "Battery" by Metallica, "Love Song For A Vampire" by Annie Lennox, and "If I Fell" by The Beatles. 40 years from now I will still love and appreciate what you and Brian gave us.

Jack's Raging Mommy said...

I was 18 or 19 when I first shaved me head. I loved it.

I tried it again when I was 22ish and it didn't do the same thing for me anymore.

Maybe it's something we need to do at least once?

Toadflax said...

YES! You have no clue how long I've been waiting for you to write this entry... You go live girlfriend! I'm so happy for you.

wasted_life said...

it is like reading a new part to a wonderfully interesting story that never ends...thanks for always sharing. go and enjoy your time and soak up everything. you deserve it. you'll make magic in the studio...we all know you will. it is amazing how reading your blog gives me a little more encouragement to push the never ending piles of complications/nonsense out of the way and just breathe and think and write. i want to join you on your retreat and then finalize some recording of my own. now That would be beautiful. all the best

entropyartist said...

Related thoughts:

for pre-unplugged, post-unplugged, or not reading.

Go be free.
I envy you.

Ronja said...

take care amanda
as bryan said... you will be missed

michelle said...

have a fantastic time clearing your head and reconnecting with yourself.

from my experience, the best writing and best conversations come after i've distanced myself a bit. distance often does the opposite -- brings you closer.


the_skyisfalling said...

enjoy yourself on the retreat - you deserve peace of mind. Please do the sun salutation for me at least once, okay? I'll be doing it here in Calgary - the sphincter of the universe - and thinking of you with loads of jealousy.

Hope that things are going well for you. I can't wait for the solo CD - I am certain it will kick major amounts of tuckus (heehee. I love that word.)

Love and puppies,

psst. I had a crazy dream about you and Brian last night - you two were touring Calgary and ended up crashing with me. It was one of those cool, vivid dreams about people you don't actually know.

more psst. as always, my blog is

Love love love to you and brian and the Kurzweill.

Erika said...

hope intense yoga camp is wonderful! I would love to do something like that, but no caffine!? don't know how strong i am, for something like that, but i'ld love to get into yoga! hmmmmmmm might start!

Andreas said...

i'm sitting here with friends and they're talking about how they want to own a bookstore/coffee shop and i'm sitting here leaving you a comment. believe me, i get the whole "i need to plug in and connect with as many people as possible" feeling. i kind of feel dirty seeing as you are able to give it up but apparently i am not. i hope you enjoy your retreat. when i read your post, i thought of atlas shrugged, which i have just finished reading. i hope your retreat is like their little paradise. i don't know if that makes sense. i also noticed some interesting correlations between the song necessary evil and that book. maybe i'm just seeing things that aren't there. anyway, enjoy. goodbye.

subconsciouscafe said...

glad you dug & picked up on the funereal violin guy, had a feeling it waz up yr alley...

good yr doing this, you'll dig it (tho its not as if you're lacking in real-time sense-data, good god...

snock ya on da flip,

yr Bb canary,

deus 'eggs' machina

maxine. said...

i'm excited for you, it sounds like a perfect break. we should all consider losing our immense connections a bit just so we can appreciate it more and well anyway, yes, everything you said. i'll be happy to hear how it was even though in some anti-"the point" way, it will be via internet. ha.

anyway, have fun and i hope you feel all the love i'm sending you.

Kat from Sugar said...

good luck with all that. sounds like you're going to come back as superwoman. i'm looking forward to hearing your solo album. good luck with that too. i wrote a song on the road in louisiana that i'm excited about. i'm kicking myself for writing a song, getting it approved by everyone, and then forgetting the lyrics because i didn't write them down and it's been so long. valentine's day was inspiring. i hope yours was lovely.

aren't little kids the best when they give you a new/old perspective on the world? i think we sometimes forget how much fun it was to be a kid and how much fun it is to look at the world in an icecream and cherries kind of way.

john edwards is running for president. he is from my city. a guy once called off a date with me because i said i was indifferent to edwards. isn't that hilarious? politics.

i'm moving to a new apartment to live by myself. i think it will be good for me creatively. it seems like you enjoy it and have no problems with entertaining yourself now and again. i'm not going to have tv for a while, just to see how it goes. you're brave in giving up the internet. it's an addiction.

anyway, have fun detoxing and strengthening your core. i'm sure you will have a very zen experience. do you think it will cause you to limit your use of the internet when you return? it's such a wonderful tool and at the same time kind of a number of the senses.

muah! -kat

FireAngel said...

With all due respect, Amanda, not everyone has the same kinds of connections with people on the internet as you do. I support other moms who have had their babies die who would not otherwise have that kind of support. Half the people I blog with are people I know in real live but they live in another state so this is how we can keep in touch. There are people on my blog that I have never met in person but have talked, shared and cried with them for the past 5-10 years and WILL meet them in person some day. To me, my online life is real life. It's the same as writing letters to someone you care about but it's faster and there are more options. I also use my webcam once in a while so I can see my mother's face and her mine. See I have no family where I live, and few friends, so the only way I can keep them in my life is to write letters, call them on the phone (I hate talking on the phone), or use the internet.

Anyway, have a great time on your trip. I wish I could afford something like that. It sounds awesome.


Laine said...

I've done something very similar to this myself once. Only it involved locking myself away in my room at 16, dropping out of school and basically living in my books for about a year. It's refreshing, the only place I really went to other then to the washroom or kitchen(food, the other necessities and whatnot) was the library to obtain more books.
I read about absolutely everything, from fantasy to biographies, mystery, history and geography. Philosophy was one of my favorites.

I hope this goes well for you, I know full well what it's like to be far too dependent on technology and lose contact with what's really here. To the point where you don't even know what's real anymore.

Actually, I'm still not sure what's real anymore. I guess you just have to take it in stride.

"To be yourself, see yourself
To see yourself, free yourself
To free yourself,
Simply Be."
-Jim Dodge's "Stone junction"

Have a good one,

Also said...

Ahhhh, destressing! (is also jealous)

I have unplugged before it is nice to get away... but I always come back, and that is nice to. - we all need it :)

Iggy said...

I read the blog frequently but never seem to feel the need to comment- I always feel like writin a comment online is never the same as talking to someone in person. There is something special about talking to a person or even giving them a note to read and being there face to face with them- I love the sparkle in someones eyes when they receive something, anything.

I wish I had the time to just disappear for a while- your retreat sounds amazing.

Enjoy it and revel in it!

Mark said...

Did you guys know you are "Not Gay"?

If I were you I'd be offended...

Maire?? said...

i now i have seen blogging is not as great as i thought. what happened to the real life of cummunication, yeah it is nice to hear what is happening in Amanda Palmer's life, but i enjoy when you don't know what is going on in a way. all of the blogging is too modern, too revealing. how about i try and concentrate on my own life for now, it is not doing anything for me, thank you Amanda for showing me this. screw blogging.
and for the last time(on the internet at least)Amanda Palmer i love you and respect you.

Love, Maire

Kristopolis said...

amanda, i hope you find yourself. i'll miss your entries, in the meantime. good luck. you're beautiful.

[art] said...
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[art] said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
[art] said...

It's funny that you and kobe bryant have something in common. He goes on "blackout" periods during which he is inaccessible to the entire world, no cell phones, email, no business talk, all he does is train. But some people just can't give it up. my friend has had a blog in one way or another (zine) for a long time now (8-9yrs) (plug:, and he describes the same experience; seeing everything as as a potential blog entry. he tells me that something simple like breakfast becomes an exercises in what is the most interesting way to tell someone else about my breakfast. like you, he is disturbed by it. i however, would love to know what that's like. so i guess the grass is greener and all that...and everyone needs a break from themselves now and then.

Anonymous said...

I read this entry the day Britney shaved her head. Maybe she wanted to follow the tradition of redefining oneself. Or maybe to break it, considering she left some in the back... mullet haircuts are in style, oddly enough.

Jayjhis said...

I just had a conversation with my best friend the other day, she said "all you talk about is random useless facts and yourself anymore". I said "Dear, I currently am without a job, I don't have a car, it's too fucking cold to walk far, and all my friends have jobs and school and things to do for most of the day. The only person I spend a lot of time with is you. What the hell else am I going to talk about?"

I decided that until I get a life I'm going to avoid conversation with people I know well and restrict talking to individuals who don't already know my life story or are interested in learning about astronomy, or chemistry, or any of the other random subjects wikipedia is teaching me in my long hours of boredom.

With all that said, I understand. What will you blog about if all you do is blog all the time? Am I doing this because I actually want to experience it or am I doing this because I want to write about it later?

Anyhow, I've never tried yoga... and a yoga retreat would scare me. If I went that long without smoking I wouldn't be able to meditate on anything other than how badly I need a smoke. Hell I'd probably sneak the little cancer sticks in with me. Addictions are such a pain in the ass.

Jayjhis said...

Oh yeah and before I forget...

I want see pics of the shaved head. No... not want... demand. DEMAND.

pbaker7049 said...

My computer was broken for me a month or so ago, and we spent a week and a half tapping lamely and intermittently on a dial-up laptop. Two interesting things happened: the basement got completely cleaned, and I realized which of my internet activities fed me, and which were a burden. You are on the right track, my dear. I just hope you don't decide to leave off blogging upon your return! You do cut right to the heart of my personal condition (despite the fact that I'm a good 20 years older than you), and I value your insight and observations. Glad I got a chance to tell you that in person at the Onion Cellar Jan. 11 ("I love your blog!", but it's totally ok if you don't remember). Thank you Amanda, and have a great vacation! - Pat

Len Tower Jr. said...

auntie manda,

it's more likely to be

auntie mandie

neicphews are another place where the reality differs from the expectation. but the reality is way better.

i have 5 of the critters, and the uncle gig is one of the best in my life.

best -len

cory said...

oh i love this. i whish i could just leave on sebaticals.... i'd go to india ...

Gina said...


For when you get back...You touched on a theme that I've also been thinking heavily about. I've been way too much online. We put too much attention on this online life, to the exclusion of real, physical life (touch, scents, sounds, emotions, face-to-face interactions), because we're afraid of it, of pursuing it, of having it. And we're letting real life walk away, without us.

So good for you, for turning off for awhile and getting back to your essence. I'm gonna go make some hot tea and smell some wildflowers.

nicknackpattywack said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nicknackpattywack said...

It's like we're living in a Virtual Insanity.

Futures made of virtual insanity
now always seem, to be governed by this love we have
For useless, twisting of our new technology
Oh now there is no sound for we all live underground
- Jamiraquoi

lyrical lie said...

I hope that you enjoy your retreat. I love disconnecting myself, even if its just for one day, its relaxing. Even though we use the internet to connect ourselves with others, we also disconnect from people, and it can cause problems because many people (myself included) don't think before they type.

You're gonna make an awesome aunt.

Len Tower Jr. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Len Tower Jr. said...

part of buddhist (and other tradition's) compassion is to watch what words comes out of our mouths, and now in the internet age, what words comes out of our fingers ...

best -len

Marika said...

In response to Mark's comment, WHOA! Yes, do be offended...although I bet someone may have submitted you guys as a joke, I don't know.

I kind of hope that website isn't serious.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand...I hope you are having a WONDERFUL time away and come back happy and rejuvenated. :)

kate06 said...

We Luv You Amanda!! You Need To Write More. Muah! XoXo

Nun said...


loved the "Puppet Music Hall" Satisfaction performance, keep playing into the camera, your face is expressive and it works well.

holly said...

i hope you enjoy yourself

i got accepted into the art college i wanted to btw,

i dunno why i thought id tell you that, i never said anythin bout college here, i just wanted to tell someone i guess, and i think you'd be interested/ like some nice news when you finally read your comments

Myra said...


maia got new stitches said...

Amanda, hello.
No paragraph breaks. Sorry.
“too many times i catch myself living as my own archivist.” I love this sentence. I Get this sentence, as I am also to be included as the subject – which is a bit annoying, frustrating and heartbreaking. I have lost the ability to write full sentences, so I have started drawing comic strips. They say more. Sometimes they are factual (slices of life). Sometimes they are lyrical hums which I find in my brain when I try to get to sleep. Sometimes they’re not even funny at all. I have been reading Joey Comeau’s work, I think he is great in the way he unashamedly involves intimate details of his characters into everything. I’m not obsessed with stuff like that, but it juts out – no one else does that without becoming perverted in a crass way, losing hold on reality, on plot. I am all nerved out about starting uni – ‘art school’, they dub it. But then again I am a nervous kid, the quote “severe PTS, chronic anxiety” type, so it’s not really that unusual. I was on a plane recently, I am 18 but do the 6 year old thing. (I won’t censer…) I got my video camera out and started filming the clouds, with this accidental running commentary consisting mostly of imaginative descriptions and drones of awe. I am making an ‘honest’ doco – I am excited because it is actually going well. I wish you lots of headspace in your unplugged time, and much success on your solo endeavor – I am so enthused about your work. Just thought I’d let you know I love you. Speaking of fan mail…how strange it would be (even me now) having strangers tell you that you are loved by them. Five months worth of unopened love and pain and confession, just waiting for you to listen to it scream and cry and praise. Wowie…
Cheers to the people who still write with pens and pencils and eat paint sometimes and draw on each others arms and faces….we should form a band.  a silent society

AntiCoulter said...

Every kid should be born with a Beatles album waiting in his crib.

Julie Devine said...

breathe, girl.

you need it.

hopefully nature and solitude and yoga can accomplish for you what you did for me.

cry shout replenish learn play breathe live and discover.
and come back and smile at me again.

Len Tower Jr. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Len Tower Jr. said...


Julie Devine's
is worth the click through and read ...

best -len

June Miller said...

It snowed out here last week, something that doesn't often happen around my neck of CA. Though not as heavy as the snowfalls back in Illinois when I was out there, it was still appreciated. I think it's 'cause I don't see it so often that it's all the more interesting to me when it happens. I made it a point to enjoy some tea/cigarettes outside for a second there.

It's my own little retreat, kind of.

I think one of my friends' parents actually might be going off to a retreat like the one you're at. We spoke very briefly of it, but it sounds pretty intense. You are far more hardcore than I, at the moment.

It's quite entertaining to watch a venue full of Dolls fans bobbing their heads to the Sxip song you mentioned. Maybe it's just me who thinks that, I don't know. The man is Funky (must be capitalized), and that's all that matters.

I hope the retreat left you in good spirits. Good luck with the solo record, ma'am.

andrea said...

right now i imagine you pounding out some emotional chords and singing your little heart out for the solo record.

i'll keep that thought while i'm completely bored and uninspired at work.
at least i'll know that someone, somewhere is doing something amazing that eventually will be shared with me and the rest of the world.

all my love,


Bex said...

I come on here quite often and read your messages. it's a beautiful sanctary. it's the first time i've posted. I posted today because you said you always read all the comments and i now know this will reach you.

The yoga place sounds awesome. can i come with? I'm currently ill in bed with flu and it sucks. i think it'd help my body, mind and spirit too. Good luck there.

Just got an email from The Dresden Dolls fanmail thingy about the Roundhouse DVDs being polished. i'm very excited about it's release as i was there on the Saturday night and managed to catch a large amount of the beautiful flowers. My friend even caught a "mandy goes to med school" baby's leg! Speaking of which, congrats on being an Auntie! I know Robin (from The Devonshire Arms in Camden)and was delighted to see him on the stage. Aparently he was intending to have another "Fuck the Backrow U.K" night on that Saturday and was asking for performers (As a singer i was going to offer myself as one) but he said that it never happened due to the gig's late finish. Aww well. :) Incedently though i went to your gigs at the Astoria in April 06 and at that little place in Kings Cross somewhere (in Feb 05) and thought they were amazing, i think the roundhouse gig was even more amazing!

I'm going to Germany this summer for 5 months to live and teach English, as part of my University BA (German and Portuguese). I hope to take lots of photos like you did when you visted Germany. I feel like i'm going to have the time of my life there. Some day i want to make films professionally. But for now, is my film production company home.

Long live the Punk Cabaret!

All my love

Hanna said...

Amanda... I hope this retreat can fill some of this emptiness that the modern world bring.
Your songs keep me from going down...
Please, come back stronger... we all need you. Fucking responsabilite! I wish I could burn my pc, mobile, etc... A little rock and wooden house in Donegal, Ireland. Just peace. My dream. Well... we'll see.

Clear the air.


Natalie Rose said...

Supposedly I'm working towards a BA in music, but I'm clearly majoring (err, "concentrating") in procrastination.

It's absurd how often I wonder how you're doing. I'm thinking about going to work for a Buddhist temple over the summer. Technology is wonderful, but, all the same-- fuck it. The idea that we're somehow more connected than we used to be is mostly illustion. I hope you're breathing in life... and that it's warm where you are (fucking Vermont-- I walk outside and my nostrils freeze).

My watch, the very nice watch my mother gave me, has (had?) a loose clasp. It fell off somewhere between my walk from the library to home. I found it the next morning in the middle of the street... in 5+ pieces.

At breakfast, I made a joke to my friends that it was a metaphor for my life. Then I realized how freakin' applicable it was. "Well, I finally found all the pieces... I just can't put it back together again."

Sasha and I are speaking again. I'm SCARED. But... we're actually *okay* for the time being. We. Will. See.

Well, I have to run along and philosophize about the nature of art now (no kidding). Fucking hell. I miss you, but you were technically never "here" to begin with.

Maire?? said...

okay i am a liar. well i am back. i just have nothing beter to do. and i doubt you will read this but what the hell.....................
so i was at the mall with my sister not too long ago, and when we were in f.y.e i went right to the dresden doll section. i always do this and i see if any of them hve been bought.(see how boring my life is) and yes one has, and i say to my sister "one of them has been bought, i can tell because there was one with a sticker on it saying that you were on tour with nine inch nails, but now it is gone!" so yes i have no clue why i am saying this. but also when i was in f.y.e. i used my sister's red lip gloss and i kiss the plastic cover on the cd, and then made sure that it was left in a place were it could be seen. and when i found the dresden dolls paradise dvd i licked it and also put it in a place were it could be seen...................................I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eden27 said...

I was going to give up the Internet for Lent and lasted about two minutes, it sits on my desk and CALLS to me if I'm not on here checking, checking, checking.
The constant stream of information is so addictive, I was browsing around your diary and found that entry detailing the Bright Eyes/Glastonbury debacle, which was fascinating to read from your point of view, and something I wish I could have witnessed, seeing as the two of you are perhaps my favourite people in the Universe.
Love from an adoring 16 year old fan.

Timeandalittleblackcload said...

This comment is proberbly to late to catch u before your retreat...and im sure this had been said a million differnet ways and a million different times. but i just sat watching everything i cud find online about u...karaoke verite clips, press articles,lyrics. lisetning to music,This blog,live shows...anything literally, that bit of the paradise video where your just wandering round warming up your voice before the show on repeat!...all of it...

(i know i know, I need a retreat too! god save us...)

and i just have to say it I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!! and all the crazy people who are part of it along the way.

the feeling and creativity gives me a huge sense of SOMETHING! im not quite sure what it even glad to hear your taking your break, stepping back a little. inspiration its a funny thing. so thank you for mine. I think thats what im trying to say here...maybe ill regroup and try again.

Al said...


I'm a rock concert virgin who was saving myself for The Dresden Dolls.
But I kept hearing that you and Brian don't play together anymore. :-(

I checked the dresden dolls site, tho and it mentioned some dates for the summer...will you be playing with Brian then?

Hope your retreat gave you just what you needed.

Maire?? said...

hehehehehe i love you

Marthe said...

Hello. Since i just realised to my great surprise that I had a blogger account although I never made one, I thought I should tell you that I made the zucchini cake. I even wrote a blog entry about it, with pictures at the bottom. ( )

And while I'm at it. Thanks for all the brilliant music. I bet you've gotten thousands of comments like this, but it doesn't make it less heartfelt.

Marthe Glad

Jessie said...

I want to shave my head for the symbolic reasons you mentioned, but I can't part with my thick long beautiful hair. So I'm seeking alternatives. Because I'm at the breaking point, and a retreat is not an option when you're enrolled full time at a high-priced private college, working as an intern in the music industry, and crumbling as your successes put more and more weight on your shoulders. What can I do to show everyone that I am not okay? How do I walk away from a life that seems so successful? Why do I not feel like its not ok to be weak? I've already begun to reject the virtual world, but sometimes the "real" connections are not enough. So I'm seeking an alternative to head shaving.

Anyways, good for you Amanda. Good for you. I am so happy for you.

Natalie Rose said...

Do you ever feel like it's just impossible for you to be plain old, ordinary happy? Does that even exist? Or are well all just chasing the same illusion?

Everyone else seems to be able to catch it, at least once in a while.

manoloblanikgrl said...

I'm sitting here at work, on the internet with a headset jammed into my ear. I'm staring, blankly, at a Picture of George Orwell on the back cover of a recently purchased copy of 1984. The sound from the hospital lobby is carrying in to my small office with my silent coworker. There is a spanish speaking woman in the lobby. I can't make out a single thing she's saying. There is a baby cooing and the echo of at least three simultaneous conversations. My eyes shift from the screen to the back cover to a now empty fish bowl. I get a call on this extraordinarily sleepy sunday. "Thank you for calling Community Regional Medical Center, This is Rena, How may I help you?"
"Hi Treena, This is, I'm looking for a patient ...... Is She still there?" Yet another name slip in a thankless, unfulfilling job. My eyes shift to a bowl of Cheez-it's. Why am I writing all of this? To prove a point. You mention disconnecting. You mention taking a complete sebatical and forsaking anything technological and cold and empty. We communicate through the phone, through our celluar devices, through cables and wires and satalites. What happened?
I recently got out of a relationship that was one of the very few that I had a personal connection with. The rest are based in cyberland or in cellularville. Even my relationship with my mother is electronic. I could cite your lyrics. But you know them somewhere in your head. I envy you, Amanda. It's impossible for me to disconnect, even when I need to. Someone wants something. I have to carry on meaningless chitchat with people i care nothing for and know nothing about. I have to come and sit at my desk and play cheery receptionist, happy to help the members of the 58th dumbest town/city in the United States.(According to Newsweek somewhere in 2005). How can someone come to realize that they're living this feckless little life? What does give someones life a purpose? Love? Family? Satisfaction? Alcohol? Living? How can we live if we're completely hooked up to this system of mass communication, desensitization and hollow relationships?
I was reading your previous blogs. You mentioned something about this being a huge party with all diffent types of people. The ones who stad idly by clutching their beers for dear life, the ones who have short, sweet to the point comments and then you have people who come on here and rant. You have people who write 2 foot long comments in the hopes that they've said something important. I could say that I'm a huge fan and have followed you from San Diego to San Francisco, which is true. I could say that I attend because I love your music and can relate and that you put on a good show....which you do...But I go because for those 2-3 hours I don't feel so alone. I know that I'm in a place with some people who all have one thing in common. The moment. The moment you've created. The atmosphere driven by fans and drums and keyboards and this incredible emotional sound emanating from your vocal chords.Thank you, Amanda. Thank you for the moments you've helped create in the life of this lonely girls life, and for the realizations your blog puts forth. Someday, I would love to have a conversation with you, just to get your views on some things, on this world. Hopefully one day, we'll get to have that conversation, when you're not rushing around after a show.

Kristopolis said...

i know i've missed the twelve-hour-reading-bracket for this entry by far, but...i miss you, amanda! i hope you're well & safe & happy.

Erika said...

Amanda, title- meh?

NikiXDoll1221 said...

Have fun, can't wait for you to come back filling our heads with stories of vegan food and yoga. ily.

andrea said...

i thought you might be interested in this.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I have been thinking about things like that, we cannot be still, these are some notes I made, I guess retreats are about privacy:

see chapter 4

good luck with the yoga

lady bird said...

what do you think about this, Amanda?

Don said...

you is me. and i am the you's i c
ould be.

Anonymous said...

will miss you

sexy said...