Thursday, June 29, 2006

panic! at the mindfuck


three days ago


i'm on a plane on the way to washington DC, to start the panic at the disco tour. we'll be opening for a band i've never met, never talked to, and whose music i barely know. it should be interesting. and they're almost half my age. my god. it's sort of the flip side of the NIN tour. who knows what.

i never really got to come home after the european tour. i had enough time to start opening the mail and doing laundry and we left for a 48-hour trip to london, where we played on jools holland. television appearances are so fucking nerve-wracking. there i was, jetlagged, tired, disoreinted and caffeinated and all of a sudden...look wonderful. play wonderful. i ain't that sort of performer. i ain't the dixie chicks. they were very nice & friendly, though, and they went out of their way to say hello.

i had never seen this show (for those of you int he dark, jools holland's music show ont he BBC is the equivalent of saturday night live...only much more musically respectable). so i went to youtube. i have become a huge fan of youtube and have been gluttoning on old adam ant videos. i digress: so i went to youtube a few hours before we played and started downloading random clips from bands who had previously appeared on the show. radiohead. tori amos. whoever. just to see how they were shot and what the vibe was. and it struck me: my god, everybody is just as nerve-wracked as i am. there are little hints. you can tell. television is scary.

it's a strange land back there, backstage. i did have a wonderful walk around the BBC television headquarters, somewhere in london. it's like an army-base, you need special passes to get in and the entire building is shaped like a donut with a large ring road running around it. since they wouldn't let me out to take a walk (AAAAHHHH) i just walked in circles. there were sheds with entire dismantled situation-comedy sets. i saw an entire soda shop on it's side. fake wallpapered walls everywhere, laying on their sides and stuffed into holding tanks, waiting to become part of a room on a set next season. entire fake worlds, the backdrops of unreal situations. that was a nice walk.

we flew back exhausted and i faced my apartment and my non-ness in it for another 48-hours and then we got on a plane headed for bonnaroo, a huge hippie music festival in tennessee. upon landing we took a surreal walk through a forest in nashville with a lawyer and then i escaped my life for a while and went to see doni from ...and you will know us by the trail of dead (my favorite press on them lately refered to them as "...and you will know us by the length of our name".) he had a piano. i heard some roughs from the new record (which i sang a played pianer on, a while back, in austin) and it's fucking amazing, but i expected no less. we played along to a skipping ravi shankar record for a while. it was in 12/35. a difficult time signature.

bonnaroo itself was, as festivals go, pretty beautiful. it's situated in Really The Middle Of Nowhere, and there were tens of thousands of hippies and freeks. beautiful to see, even though i was, as usual, too spent to actually get out there in the crowd and shake my boot-ay to the guitar meanderings of beck. i watched quietly, in awe of his greatness, his royal beckness. when i saw the puppet show he had choreographed, i decided that we should be soul art lovers in some alternate universe (some alternate universe in which i don't need to deal with scientology, which creeps me out). radiohead came on and failed to hold my interest, but this was probably due to the fact that i was about .4 miles from the stage.

we killed more time throwing a tennis ball around and videotaping ourselves (you will seeeeeeeee) and didn't take stage til 2 am. which was fine, because people were up, and primed and obviously ready to be Rocked, so we Rocked. backstage at bonnaroo was a trailer next to our friends in the bindlestiff family cirkus, so i got to feel nice and at home - despite the trailerness, there were men juggling discs and girls applying bizarre make-up. this always cheers me up to see, no matter who is doing it and for what reason. then slept and went home in the morning.

then i crashed completely. this was when things got a little weird: i got home, again expecting to throw myself into the fervor of Home and Happy and Oh, and instead i plummeted into a wicked funk of PMS proportion (certainly at the wrong time of month). i found myself crying every time i lay still during yoga, i found myself crying over a four-page biographical introduction to a book of photos by robert capa. i didn't even really feel sad, i just felt sort of strange and dissociated, and angry at myself that i let my sacred time off get once again eaten by This Is Really Important You Should Do It obligations. i was finally home and i really only had six days off until my next show. on top of it, i had to practice practice practice for the film and solo nights, which i hate hate hate doing. i need to come to terms with this at some point. anyway. don't get me wrong, i fucking love playing the thing. but it ends there. practicing and playing for me are two separate issues. at some point i will write about this, and it will take up page after painful page of valuable blogspace, alienating you forever.


two days later


last night was a completely beautiful mindfuck.

the first night of the tour - in DC - was fine, strange to be back in it but the boys in the panic at the disco band are total sweethearts, like lambs. i tried to prepare myself for how young everything would feel but walking through the crowd i almost feel like something was illegal. there are not going to be a ton of our fans at these shows, definitely something i was expecting and something i tried to remedy by booking these simultaneous "fuck the back row" film festivals at which i'm also playing solo: to give our fans a place to go if they a) couldn't get tickets or b) didn't want to deal with the situation only to watch us play a support set for 40 minutes. that's why i booked it. it seems that it's going to be serving a far more medicinal purpose.

we showed up yesterday in new york to the typical flurry of activity that greets us here, always a little more to deal with than usual given it's the home of All Press, Our Label, Our Manager...we went to sirius radio in teh morning and i didn't see howard stern walking by our studio until it was too late to flash my tits at him. next time. the venue itself left much to be desired. though clean, it was too clean, and completely sterile, and reminded us of a cross between an aquarium and a movie theater. there were cell phone advertisements installed everywhere. it always takes me a while to realize what's missing and then i realize there is nothing going on offstage and nothing to fucking do in the lobby....and that these fans are not dresden dolls fans. the sense of community is so different, so remote and impersonal. no brigade. I am starting to realize how much I take it all for granted, our fans, the community, the feeling in the audience. I've never known it any other way. I assumed NIN was some sort of excpeption (music about isolation and anger = isolated and angry crowd, n'est pas?). I'm starting to understand. It aint no fucking accident. for years now, our own opening bands always tell us how overly kind our crowd is, how supportive, how open-minded to their music or band. and I've never paid that much attention, thinking: well, of course. why wouldn't they be? they are people, they like music, they will listen, they will be respectful. to disrespect the opening band would be disrespecting us, because we are allies, comrades. Simple. and we take great care in picking our openers so that we can maintain the trust of our audience.

back to our story. so the panic crowd last night seemed to me to be tepid, but decent. i did notice one asshole flying his middle finger when we first came out but I told him where he could stick it. meredith joined us on violin (as she often does) for "missed me" and i left stage feeling like we'd played a great set. but why were all these people backstage giving me timid and sympathetic looks? it turns out that my in-ears were providing with with a sonic wall of ignorant bliss, because there was a contingent in the audience shouting at us throughout the entire set. meredith was yelled at, called a "fat troll" and was threatened with fat kidn sof ass-fuckings, and there were multiple requests for her - and us - to get the fuck off stage. and to shut up and go home, etc etc etc. brian was livid and bashed the fuck out of the drums. w'ere not used to this. we're used to the land of Art Love. this is the sort of shit we were expceting on NIN but luckily missed out on. my god, is it karma? but i was ignorant while it was happening, i found this all out after the show, in the dressing room and in a taxi on the way to the Fuck The Back Row show at the Brooklyn Lyceum. i was troubled, upset by all of it, wondering if we'd made a terrible fucking decision to come on this tour. and then oh

so i arrived in brooklyn, all verklempt, to a land that looked like oz to me. everywhere there were people laughing, making art, performing, being humans....i flashed back to the nokia theater from 24 minutes before where i was walking by 13-year olds screaming at each other while cell phone ads on giant TV screens blazed in all of our faces. i had certainly been through hell to arrive in heaven. films were running, people were drinking, even the brick walls looked beautiful like i'd never seen. everything breathed like it was alive. while the projector ran, the upstairs loft above the space was covered in huge paintings and black emptiness with an old player piano in the corner that i tried to practice on. only every other note worked. mali showed up and we decided to sing delilah together, so we practiced on the incredibly out-of-tune piano, laughing at it. meredith came up and brought her violin. peter brought over a clip light and illuminated the inside of the piano and filmed. titler (hitler in drag, who showed some AMAZING films and played some songs on piano) brought his two dogs up. it was real. i looked around and i saw people i cared about and who cared about me, saw people i wanted to know, felt like i could live here, stay here, catch this moment forever and bottle it. i've never felt more grateful for our fans, the world that we've accidentally on purpose created. and then the films ended and i played my fucking ass off on the piano, knowing that i needed to prove nothing to anybody, that i could just sing and play, that defenses weren't necessary. the audience wasn't really an audience, it was more like a living room of 300 people. so if this tour will teach me anything, it's that i'm fucking lucky for what i have. some bands don't have it, some people may never know it. i feel like the luckiest girl alive, trapped in a lesson in the shape of a sports arena.


Lindsey said...

I am certainly not a part of the brigade, as I do not take part in the make up or costume. However, I absolutely adore your music and attend every concert that comes within 50 miles of my home. Your fan base is wonderful. From the individualists to intellectuals to the newcomers, I've never been to shows with a better vibe. I'm glad you appreciate us as much as we appreciate you.

shelley said...

oh no you've made me nervous. i'm coming out to the philadelphia show this weekend and i'm worried that i'll be acosted by teenagers who won't take the time to shut the f*ck up and LISTEN to your music. i never understood why people felt the need to scream things at the "opening" disrespectful. hey, if you don't like the band, fine! but pipe down and swallow it so that you don't ruin it for the people who ARE there to see them. i first saw you with NIN in 2005...went into it completely blind but i've loved 99.99% of trent's openers, so i listened.....and i've been smitten ever since. thank you amanda and brian for generating such intensity and wit and humor and beauty. and keep in mind that behind every one of those deaf people at any given show, there are three behind them that are quietly observing and appreciating the glory that is the dresden dolls.

absence-is-steel said...
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absence-is-steel said...

Those people all paid to see the show, so I don't see why they had to complain and be rude. They should shut up, smile, and support the music and make the best of it. Your music is amazing and I have no reason to believe that you guys are not amazing people as well. I'm unfortunately not going to be seeing one of your shows in the forseeable future, but if I ever do I'll support you just how you deserve for such a hard working band (which is immensely). Keep it up. By the way, you always tour with other great bands like P!ATD and Regina Spektor. Just goes to show that you're just fabulous.

Have a splendid summer! I'll always be listening.


melissa said...

I was at your first show at the 930 club and I was so glad you were the opener. I mean its always fun to have a band you have liked for a while to play on top of another band you liked but I thought you broughtup the level of excitment in the show. You were pretty talkative and didn't seem to play just to play and get over it. And also, my sister who is musically close minded came out of the show with this who different view on your music. She loved Girl Anachronism and saw what I have seen in your music. Plus I am a observer so it was so fun to watch you from the floor during Panic! At The Disco while singing along and getting smushed into the barricades. But it was way worth it. Thanks so much.

Natalie Rose said...

Dear Amanda,

There are no words to describe what I felt the first time I heard about the Brigade. It gave me new faith in the universe to realize that people like that exist outside the tiny bubble I live in up at college. Kindred spirits-- hundreds of them! (I can't wait until I get a chance to brigade... I have a ton of ideas already.)

Despite having lived on Long Island for the past 16 years, being in Brooklyn was a little disorienting and my navigator gives directions by which telephone poles she recognizes. Yet, we spotted the Brooklyn Lyceum immediately-- the fans out front were impossible to miss. And after spending nearly half an hour trying to find a bloody parking spot, we bounded over to the Lyceum, all dressed up, and immersed ourselves in Dresden Doll Land and all its goodness.

It was my first live show with Dresden Dolls fans. I took lots of bad pictures. (I borrowed my Aunt's camera... the darn thing doesn't even have a zoom. What kind of non-disposable camera doesn't have a zoom?) The atmosphere was intoxicating. I'm still trying to understand how living statues actually work. The best part, though, was talking with complete strangers. I struck up a conversation with two or three people at random who just seemed friendly and excited. (I had to do a bit of a double take. "Hey Sasha, we're still in New York, right?") Earlier that day I was thinking about how detached and cold people are to each other, especially considering we all have to live with one another. But here were a few hundred people ready to prove me wrong.

It was wonderful. The films were beautiful, the music was captivating, and Miss Astrid makes me smile... in a submissive sort of way. Taylor Mac proves that Glam Rock isn't dead, it's just been reborn in Glam Ukelele. Avant-garde. Oh, and puppets with a nautical theme for teh win. It didn't seem like four hours (at least, not until the hour and a half drive home and my navigator passed out within the first twenty minutes). I've been on YouTube half the day trying to find the films from last night. My Aunt and Mother have now been rightfully introduced to the joy of Titler.

And then you finally came out, which was surreal for me. (I finally have proof that you are indeed flesh and blood and don't just exist inside my computer! I always suspected...) You continue to boggle me as a musician. I hope we'll be seeing more of Meredith, she was absolutely lovely.

Might I also say, now, that you (and Meredith) both need to stop apologizing for talking to your audience. I think I speak for the majority (if not all) of your fans when I say, "We love to hear you talk/share/tell stories/vent/rant/ramble/whatever!" Why else would we read your diary, for example?

I am so happy that the FTBR! show was a bit of refuge for you after the Panic! crowd. (I wish Brian could've been there too, if only on the hopes that it might have lifted his spirits a little?) It was an amazing experience for all of us there, and it's unbelievable to know that you not only made that possible, but shared it with us.

My navigator, two other friends and I are attending the Panic! show in Philadelphia this Saturday. I pray that Philly fans act a little better than they drive (none offense meant, but I did a 7-week internship in Phildelphia this past winter and Philly drivers are out to get somebody). After hearing about the experience at the Nokia, Sasha jokingly said we'd beat up any rude P!@TD fans on Saturday. I somehow don't think that would improve the situation, but between the four of us, I'm certain we can cheer loud enough to drown them out. That is, of course, assuming there are any angry, faux-emo fans being rude in the first place, which I have faith (and am crossing my fingers) that there won't be. I also heard there's supposed to be Brigade at that show, which makes me downright giddy.

In short (like I do short, right, that's cute), I'm personally still in a sort of whirling haze from last night, but I'm pretty comfortable residing there for the time being.

The Angel Raliel said...

The problem of kids not "getting it" is kind of universal, it is very bizarre to be slagged off by a bunch of kids who from outward appearances are desperately trying to BE you! You then realise that they are merely being part of a gang culture that has nothing to do with the reasons why you wear makeup and dye your hair pink and wear edwardian clothes, or why you have dedicated 10 years to creating a little haven from normality ion the heart of Camden. It is good to know that the Fuck the Back Row performances were everything that they should have been and more, and that is the kind of stuff that keeps the universe ticking. I hope the rest of the Panic Shows are more rewarding.
and the FTBR shows are always the Memento Vivere that allows you to know that the world is full of people who care

fatassdockerwearingsuperman said...
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fatassdockerwearingsuperman said...

I feel like such a high school kid for posting this, but it must be said. I have no idea if you ever read this, but here it goes.

Oh good God no! Please do not bag off this tour until AFTER Philadelphia!

I live in Philadelphia, but work in Boston. I just discover your music a few months back after reading about you in the Boston Phoenix on the T. I figured I would be way out of place at one of your shows, but I sucked it up and purchased the ticket anyway. I have NO intention of staying for the other acts, so please don't bail out!

Just look out and find the big guy in the Red Sox shirt (wear the colors!) and laugh if things get bad. I will be awash in MTV watching, McDonalds munching, mall rats. I will really be out of my element!

PS. News flash! You had too much talent to open for NIN. NIN was never any good. I want to F*ck you like an animal was written to sell CD's to 11 - 17 year olds who wanted to piss off Mom and Dad. Just had to add that after reviewing the hate site linked into your hate mail section.

andrea said...

When I go to shows and see people acting like you described it just makes me sad. sad for them mostly because their own ignorance is causing them to miss out on something wonderful, like the dresden dolls. their loss, not yours.

It's great how going from opening for Panic! to arriving at FTBR (and all the things that happened inbetween)opened you up to all the love/support/acceptance of the fans there. putting myself in your shoes for a second i can imagine how good that must have felt.

and what you wrote about how it feels more like a living room- so true. that's how we, or at least I, feel at all your shows. the whole atmosphere is just so inviting, it makes me proud to know that im part of a fan base like that and not one who wastes their time at a concert making a spectacle of themselves by disrespecting their peer audience and the band(s) there to entertain them.

I'll get to see the FTBR in ST.L and then the show in Kansas City. I almost wasn't going to go to FTBR in St. Louis because of the drive but I knew I'd kick myself in the ass if I didn't. Now reading this blog has just reinforced my decision and made me that much more excited.

So, until you write again, sweet dreams, sweet days, sweet everything.


Jeff Monteith said...

Don't let the punks get you down & Viva Jacques Brel
I am sooo sorry I missed your show in Brooklyn, but not sorry I missed the Nokia show. Getting into a fight w/ a 20 year old punk who still has mommy and daddy wiping their ass is not a good time for me and I would have felt horrible for you 2.
First time I saw you was at Webster Hall and my mind and body were like, "What the fuck is going on?" All I knew was I liked it and wanted more.
BIIIIIGGGG Kudos for you doing Bowie's cover of Amsterdam, (Yes I know it was originally done by Jacques Brel.)
Ok...I know you will probably not be reading this, But I just wanted you to know...Don't let the PUNKS get you down. Why?...Cause they are Punks.
Thank you for the Visual Music
Thank you Brian for playing the Drums like Animal...via Zen Master
Thank you Amanda for playing the Piano like an Electric Guitar
Have a Happy Summer

Jade said...

Hello Amanda. Im sorry to hear that the audience at Panic! at the disco weren't very welcoming. They just don't know taste...;)

I heard that you guys will be playing in Adelaide, Australia in September. (I live in the middle of nowhere in the N.T.) Ill try my best to make it there. If I can't, i just would like you to know.. Once i finish year 12, Ill fly all around the world just to hear you guys play! You and Brian are just absolutely amazing! Take care!

ashlee said...

1. fans are like fans. decorative, and who really uses them? but it's nice to have them around.

2. sometimes i have your sentences stuck in my head, and i hum to them.

3. this morning i burnt my bagel. then cried about it. i'm on my way to yoga sobs.

TheUsualSuspect said...

Personally, PATD doesn't strike me as a band oriented towards art, but a fad. I could be wrong, who knows. But the type of people that flock to bands like that tend to belong to an intellectual demographic I like to refer to as 'idiots'. Don't let these shaggy haired, tight jeans and Nintendo t-shirt wearing fucktards ruin so much as a moment for you. They haven't achieved a single thing for themselves since they discovered how to masturbate to Hawthorne Heights.

When he came back from Iraq, one member of my platoon was walking through the airport, home for the first time in a long while, and someone splashed paint all over him. Pretty shitty thing to do, and something like that is really going to impact the whole Coming Home experience, but he took it with dignity and walked on, changed clothes when he got the chance. People are complete idiots.

The important thing is this. I'm a fan of your music, its bizarre and beautiful, humorous, sometimes a little heart wrenching. Its a lot of things. And I can guarantee you that amidst the impatient pieces of shit shouting at you, there were a lot of people enjoying your music, some of them probably for the first time.

Keep up the good fight, sister. And thank you for sharing your work with us.

David Garcea said...

Dear Brian & Amanda,

My fiance and I attended the second Nokia show last night, excited to have another opportunity to see you perform. We've been to at least a dozen of your shows since first encountering you on the Nine Inch Nails tour, and they have all been amazing. We particularly enjoy the ones at Webster Hall, which feel more like a festival than just a show. The pre-show non-musical performances, the living statues, the art installations, and wonderful fans create a atmosphere which is surreal and enjoyable.

Considering how popular you have become, and how much publicity you have had recently (we even heard you being played in a clothing store in California), we were surprised that you were not the headliner. It meant a shorter set, but that's okay, we weren't expecting you to continue touring for so long anyway, so it was a bonus.

When we first arrived we were confused by the crowd outside the venue, which consisted of mostly very young girls in rather typical garb, a stark contrast to the creative costumes we usually find. We thought we were at the wrong venue. We weren't, but we figured that would be okay. It just meant that wouldn't be much of a line at the bar.

We got there kind of early, as we didn't know when you were going on, and didn't want to miss anything. Sitting in the back, we were reminded of the time we went to see The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, and the theater played The Pokemon Movie by mistake. It felt like being back in a high school auditorium, which is a recurring nightmare of mine. It didn't feel right, but the crowd was tame, and we accepted it and got ourselves psyched for the show by betting on what you would open with.

Then you came onstage and the obnoxiousness level around us grew at an amazing rate. We tried to cheer louder than them to let you know that their were people in the audience that we excited to see you, but that didn't work out so well. I'm sorry to say that the crowd was as hostile to your fans as they were to you. I admired how you both handled it, particularly Brian encouraging them to get it out of their system.

It was a treat for my fiance to find you mingling in the lobby after your set, and to have her picture taken with you. We haven't had that opportunity since the NIN show at SOMA, and we feared your popularity would have made that impossible now. So the night did have a happy ending.

We were planning on trying to go to tonight's show in New Jersey, but I don't think I would want to go through that again. We will have to wait until the Fuck The Back Row show in San Francisco to see you again.

I admire you both for sticking with the tour. I'm sure there are a lot more fans out there that bought tickets just to see you, and would be very disappointed if they didn't get that chance.

I hope the tour gets better for you and we'll see you in San Francisco.


Alicia said...

Even thinking about people being so cruel to you two (actually, three, including Meredith) brought tears to my eyes. I'm probably just being unnecessarily protective. :\ While I'm here, I want to say that FTBR in Boston was amazing, as was the show at the Orpheum in April. Thank you guys so much for doing what you do. It makes my world, along with many, many other worlds, a better place.

MarkFarley said...

Great to hear about the roundhouse shows in London, Amanda. You guys should totally film that, its a great historic and beautiful venue that the DDolls with just rock!!!

I smell a new DVD with lots of excellent new songs and London Branch of the Brigade looking fabulous and cool and the DDolls playing a three hour set!!!

Then an hour of encores!!!

I have my ticket...

John Adams said...

I was at the concert in NYC on 6/29 -- essentially a hostage forced to take my two (pre-driving age) daugthers and friends. At 40 something, I had to be more than twice the age of everyone there. I would estimate that more than half the crowd on the floor was under 18 and there primarily to see Panic. So don't take the reaction too personally -- kids can be assholes. I can also tell you that from my vantage point to the left of the stage, the reaction was more positive than negative.

Personally, I knew nothing about your music other than the occasional "Sing" on Sirius Alt Nation. And though middle aged, white, male, suburban Republicans probably aren't your target audience, I thought you were fantastic, both your music and performance. And don't count out the teenagers -- my daughter had me buy her a Dresden Dolls t-shirt as opposed to a Panic t-shirt. There were people in the audience that thought you were great.

And a nice f--- you to the pretty boy who gave you the finger.

Stationary Gone Wrong said...

ello! FTBR was amazing. . .me and my friend were there (the youngest people by about ten years) at the first showing at the brattle. there is no possible way to duplicate the atmosphere at one of your shows, and that's why it's so perfect. *contented sigh*

so anyway. . .we had gotten back from intermission. i was sitting, watching from the front row (!!!), when who comes and sits down in the aisle next to my seat? you. amanda palmer. like less than a foot from me. my only regret was that a film was on and i couldn't talk to you. but still. thank you.

i shall see you with P!ATD in a few days, and although the latter isn't bad, i'm really there for you guys. alternative/emo dance music is certainly interesting, but punk cabaret is freedom. hehehe

p.s. i am currently googling titler. . .how have i lived so long without that???

jimmycity said...

" i feel like the luckiest girl alive, trapped in a lesson in the shape of a sports arena."

Oh my god, you ROCK!

Zenobia said...

I am from an incredibly conservative and ignorant part of the country, the ozarks of Missouri, which I have always deteseted and find refuge only in my liberal and educated parents. Yet I was introduced to your music by an enlightened and artful friend of mine from Louisiana who shares the same intrest in music as I do, which is incredibly uncommon in my hick strewn town. One of the things I will always owe him for is for exposing me to your music, which I ecstatically found contains real musicians who have such a passion for their work, and with a song writer who is so educated and in tune with the world's atrocities and amusing complexities. I have been a pianist since I was four, which probably adds to my adoration of your musicianship, but I think you are amazing and envy your freedom and endless possibilities that derive from your creativity and fingertips. I have never appreciated, idolized, or been moved by a band in my life, and I know that there are others who feel the same. I wanted to much to attend Bonaroo to see you both, but was unable to. I am planning now to go to Lollapalooza, your show being my primary reason. I may be getting backstage passes and would love nothing more than to shake your hand and thank you for giving fans like myself a dramatic world to escape into and the promise of intellectual minds in this close minded country of ours.


Jessica said...

I'll be in the audience for the Cleveland show, arriving approximately eight hours early to ensure that i have a front row spot. I'm a recent devotee, but am in love with your music and all that you have created. Your albums have been on repeat for the past few months - and i can't believe that it's taken me this long to find you. I have not the words to describe what your music means to me.

Last night while watching Paradise, a friend and i were lamenting that we won't be seeing you along with your community, and praying to the powers-that-be for a crowd that is ready to listen. I have no idea what to expect from my fellow concert attendees, but by virtue of the fact that you'll be on stage and i get to see you perform, it will be the event of my year.

Thank you.

luap said...

O My Dear, Dear Amanda:

All is so well.

When you and Brian come to St. Louis for the fifth time (and I get to see and hear you for the fifth time) if necessary, my love and respect will create a cocoon of musical openness and prtection. So play what ye will for your 40 minuyets then let's race to see who gets to the Hi-Pomite first.

I'm there for whatever you need.


Jessica Caitlin said...

I know that you may not read this, and that this may not mean very much to you, but I was at this particular show at Nokia theatre.

And I think maybe you should know, you did play an amazing show. I had heard two songs by you before this show, Coin Operated Boy, and Sing. And I respected you as artists and musicians for those two songs, but I couldn't judge your quality seeing as I'd only heard two songs.

And you put on an amazing show. Everyone from the side of the pit I was on looked like they were having a great time, and were singing along. Someone behind me shouted "You go girl" during missed me.

Panic put on a show. The hush sound is good.

But I think that it was your set I enjoyed most. Because as interesting as panics set was, it was very predictable. The hush sound I just don't like, but I stayed, and I listened to them anyways.

Okay, heres the thing. You are extremely talented, but the type of music you play is so different from Panic and The Hush Sound. People are hopelessly close minded.

I'm terrible at stating what I intend to, but I hope you understand that you did an amazing job wednesday night, and I'm sorry people were being such asses.

Rebecca said...

I was at that show at Nokia Theater in NYC.

I really hope, that you won't let that show dishearten you.

I was on the floor. (Not to mention I also did almost get thrown into the circle pit) Let me first say, that I had only heard "Sing" before your performance. I enjoyed your performance. I especially loved "missed me" with the violin. The problem with this combo, The Hush Sound, Panic, and you guys, is that you are very different from Panic and The Hush Sound.

Also, almost everyone there had come to see Panic, and the problem may have been that they did not want to listen to your music, and they just wanted to see Panic. It also took a painfully long time for them to set up. (No offense, but my friend can set up by himself in 3 minutes flat)

I am very happy that you were there, you brought variety to that rock show. I happened to enjoy your performance the most.

And you ignored the stupid kids that told you to get off the stage. We just cheered louder, and you handled it very well.

I would also like to add that your drummer was amazing.

Misanthropic Altruist said...

Hey Amanda,

I desperately wanted to see your Fuck the Back Row show at the Brooklyn Lyceum, for there is no such aftershow after the Penn's Landing show in Philly, my local venue, but alas I was unable to head up there to see it. I'm sorry that the P!ATD crowd was so nasty and unrelenting. I hope that the City of Brotherly Love lives up to it's name.

Nevermind the closeminded Panic! fans that show and give you guys a hard time. They aren't your fans, and they aren't your family. We are. And we hope the rest of your tour will be less torturous.

Diana said...

Dear Amanda,

I saw you last night in Sayerville (I think that's how you spell it) And I pushed my way through the P!ATD crowd to get my poster signed. Me and friends were dissapointed that you guys didnt play more songs. We love you, and honestly it was upsetting that the Panic! crowd didn't even pay attention to your amazing music. Me and my friends kept talking about how fucking stupid the crowd was (or most of the people there were). There were some really nice people. I was there when a fan gave you a painting, and that comforted me. You guys deserve a crowd that will listen. WE LOVE YOU! And dont let this tour get you down, just keep doing your best, like always.


sararhi said...
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sararhi said...

wow! i am always so saddened by people's ability to be so unaware and thoughtless. i was totally stoked about seeing you guys at the san fran show-well...fingers crossed that sf will be different...and i'll be ready to brawl with the inconsiderate ones;) best wishes. you guys are loved!

giantmidget said...

I was once laughed at (laughed at though so obviously I can't relate to you) for ten minutes on stage (acting though so once again I can't relate to you) for forgetting my lines. Hey, we all make mistakes. Just because I forget them again on my second attempt... we all make at least nine mistakes on our third time being on stage in front of people. And I look forward to making many more. Mistakes are the best parts of anything. I was watching the football today and the subtitle people subtitled the word "or" as "awful" when talking about a player which made me laugh my ass off. Well, not really. I just snorted. But for someone as English and reserved as me it's as good as a laughing of the ass. Anyway the thing I wanted to convey in this blog... I've forgotten. Damn my mind. I'll make something up now. People who act like that at a gig... they're pretty normal. And that's kind of sad. By the way I haven't told anyone this but the Beautiful South's Blue Is The Colour is one of the best albums ever made. It's depressing and there are two tracks on it that are mawkish rubbish but despite that, pure brilliance. Why am I mentioning this? Because I'm drunk. By the way, you're hot. Lots of people probably tell you this, but I want to blend into the crowd so I'm going to say it too, but still I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Wow this was long. Lucky I don't have to read it as I hate long comments. I apologise for anyone who's had to read this. Urrrrm bye.

Andreas said...

i'm glad you realized how fortunate you are. nothing like experiencing absolute shit to see that you're surrounded by gold.

Maria said...

It sucks to see that other side when you've been in your nice environment for so long. The Panic At the Disco fans are really unappreciative and unwilling to accept anything that isn't Panic At the Disco. I went to their show here in Florida and everyone just talked through the Hush Sound. For all I know I was the only one singing. The whole thing was more of a social statement and a fashion show than an event made to love a band's music.

This probably won't make you guys come to Florida anytime soon...but there are people who love you here :D

P.S. Scientology scares me too.
& I love Brian's "DIE HIPSTER SCUM" shirt.

deadbolt said...

i went and saw panic! in birmingham, uk. the fans their were assholes...i guess there aren't many nice panic! fans anywhere.. during the first support act, forgive durden i think they were called, the crowd started to throw things at the guitarist because he was making wierd faces whilest playing. they were more receptive of men, women and children who suppported, but still not very enthusiastic. as panic! came on two guys next to me started to have a fight, i got out of the crowd. i watched panic! perform from the side of the stage, they were enthusiastic,but i hated the crowd. and a crowd can ruin a good show.
the show you played in the london astoria was the best i have ever been too...the crowd were good, they could've been better..its always my luck to stand next to the people that talk over thre quieter songs. i enjoyed it thoroughly. thank you.

juxtagon said...

well, at least the fans were not throwing empty ( or full ) Beer Glasses at you, that there was no Chicken-wire Cage to play in.

see I could've been worse! You could have had to play Rawhide. ( It should be compulsory to watch The Blues Brothers for any band).

As for the Panic! fan giving you the finger?
Well, the best and most fun way would be to carry round some secateurs. Next time someone offers you the finger you can snip,snip it off, with a large grin on your face as you thank them " very much for your kind gift! I'll treasure it always!"

... then skip off backstage.

or is that a bit "Lenore"?

Sophia Yanow said...

Jesus christo..

If this is what your tour is like all along, then I'm a might bit sad for you, but glad as all hell that I saw you guys with the Femmes last night... and the dancing was adorable; the playing wonderful. My friend Zeiki (or does he call himself Jeiki now?) went and met you guys after you played... he's a small boy with a streak of blue in his hair and he says you gave him a kiss - so that's swell.

And thanks for the flowers.

Skye said...

when i saw that you were finally coming to my city (cincinnati, i usually have to make the trek out to columbus to see you guys, but its always worth it) i was so excited until i went to buy tickets and saw that the show was already sold out.

i just wanted to let you know, on the off chance you read this, that there are tons of your fans here that aren't able to go to this concert, and we hope you come back as headliners!

also a huge thank you for just having the band that generates such a community, being at your shows is such an amazing experience. Your music helps me through my angst ridden teenage life, thank you <3

Justin said...

I'm new to your music, but have loved it - fun, attitude, but most importantly intelligent. some friends and i are coming to see you in indianapolis. he was into panic! but i turned him onto you guys and i think we're more excited about seeing you than them (i don't even know if we'll stay for the whole show). we have a silly band that we do as a hobby - . i can't wait to see you guys, get inspired, send/receive love and support, and rock out. truly you should come to Indy on your own soon! we'd love to have you here.


the bitter mediocre artist said...

i love you amanda. i saw you yesterday at day on the meadow in san jose. i can't get over the fact that i got your autograph. i was just speechless. ha you kissed my hand and touched my chest and that just meant the world to me. i think i made a total fool of myself because i couldn't speak. but you don't care about that right? of course not!

i just had a shitty day and i'm listening to your music. really cheers me up.

i hope the next time i see you, the cat won't get my tongue ;)

moussaka said...

unfortunately amanda, one of the sad facts of life is that people are arseholes... not all of them, but the overwhelming majority. never fear, no one will boo when you come to australia!

in other news, can top-40 listeners be converted to real music, ie the dresden dolls? stay tuned...

Darling Nikki said...

First, I just wanted to say I LOVE reading your blogs. I was afraid for you as well when you were on tour with NIN that you'd be booed off stage and I'd pummel as many peoples asses I could before getting to the front to tell you just how much I fucking love you. It's unfortunate that that is something that you, The Dresden Dolls, have to even worry about. People are such fucking dicks and all those whine asses that told you to get off stage were just lining themselves up for another bitch boy band while fantasizing about slitting their wrists later after the show. Even worse, half of them probably couldn't even see what you looked like or what you were playing because their black and hot pink streaked hair was in their faces. You guys are not an emo band, that was the only issue. Next time you open for a band and you fear that you'll be flipped off and yelled at make squirt gun belts for both you and Brian ( and hey who knows maybe a few selected audience members that are fans of yours will join in) fill it with red cool-aid and soak those motherfuckers. On top of being wet and sticky there skin will also be dyed red because of the cool-aid, and that takes I think a good 48 hrs to wash off completely. MUA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love you guys, keep up the GREAT work, I hope to see you in concert soon again! XOXOXOXOX @-)-)--

Hinna said...

I guess I can understand the impatience some fans might feel at having to listen to opening bands, but that still means every person who jeered or boo'd is an assfuck. If I were there I'd definitely tell them all where to go and the fastest way to get there.

Maybe I will! If I ever get to one of your concerts. : P

Rave said...

Upon hearing you guys were touring with them, I was a bit confused. I mean its like you said yourself, you didn't know them at all. They're completely different from your type of music.But I just figured "Ok, I'm sure it will be a good tour anyway"
When I heard about this incident,I thought it was somewhat odd. I mean, what the hell. The Dresden Dolls are far more telented then Panic! could ever hope to their fans need to just shut up and pay attention.I'm not part of the brigade, but I would love to be. I saw a show once at the virgin megastore..the whole cd signing thing. And you're right about the crowd.They were cool.Anyways Amanda, I just want to say you are completely awesome,and I love what you do.
much love

Jessica said...

Dearest Amanda,
Fuck P!ATD. The only reason their fans were that closeminded is because they don't like anything that doesn't inviolve pointless screaming, whores, trageties, makeup, talentless singing, just all over bad popular music. I'm sorry that happened to you. I've see you guys once when you were on tour with the Side Effects and Regina Spektor. BTW, LOVE IT! Then i found out you were touring and again and looked up dates ASAP. Then i saw P!ATD and talked myself out of going. Maybe i still will. I don't like them, and i would probably watch you open and then leave. It would be worth the money.

Feel better,
Love Jessica.

MarkFarley said...

Am so addicted to YouTube as well. I have no need for video tapes or shitty MTV anymore, if i wanna call up an Adam Ant video (often) or Billy Joel's We did'nt start the fire of a bit of Bucks Fizz (yeah baby) I can, I dont have to wait hours... plus I get to follow people like The Dresden Dolls through America when I am in London and when they come to London and I see them but can't get near to them at The Astoria cos they are so fucking loved, I can see the footage some guy took from the front row and watch every drip of sweat drop onto Amanda's piano or see Brian's abs in all their glory glsiten in the lights as he pounds away and yeah, I can call up the Jools Holland performances when I like to watch... thanks for playing album tracks rather than singles... and revel in how much the other people on youtube loved my new favourite band as well.

FYI information its the only place on UK TV to see decent live music and has been for years and you geys did yrselves proud, you were awesome....

Totally looking forward to seeing you guys at Reading and then at Camden, hope to see you at a signing or around the site watching bands....

PS was very amusing seeing Kaiser Cheifs singer in background totally bugged out at seeing Amanda playing.... the tyke. xx

MarkFarley said...

Am so addicted to YouTube as well. I have no need for video tapes or shitty MTV anymore, if i wanna call up an Adam Ant video (often) or Billy Joel's We did'nt start the fire of a bit of Bucks Fizz (yeah baby) I can, I dont have to wait hours... plus I get to follow people like The Dresden Dolls through America when I am in London and when they come to London and I see them but can't get near to them at The Astoria cos they are so fucking loved, I can see the footage some guy took from the front row and watch every drip of sweat drop onto Amanda's piano or see Brian's abs in all their glory glsiten in the lights as he pounds away and yeah, I can call up the Jools Holland performances when I like to watch... thanks for playing album tracks rather than singles... and revel in how much the other people on youtube loved my new favourite band as well.

FYI information its the only place on UK TV to see decent live music and has been for years and you geys did yrselves proud, you were awesome....

Totally looking forward to seeing you guys at Reading and then at Camden, hope to see you at a signing or around the site watching bands....

PS was very amusing seeing Kaiser Cheifs singer in background totally bugged out at seeing Amanda playing.... the tyke. xx

UKAnthony said...

great set, i told a lot of my friends to watch it! And now most of them have your new album...

Katie said...

The Panic! kids are just there as a statement, which is sad. I bought the ticket for the Fillmore show because you are playing, and I've ended up being turned on a bit to the Hush Sound and, possibly, Panic!. So really, there will be a few open-minded audience members when you come to Denver.

Ravel said...
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C said...

That makes me so sad. I adore you guys. I wish I had been there to punch some guys in the face. Unfortunately, I've been on the other side of the country for the past month (and I'm going back east a week before you get here). And I hate Panic! At the Disco anyway. You are so much better than them. They should be begging to open for you, but you should say no, of course. Because they suck.
If I had any talents beyond singing along to your songs, I'd join the Brigade. It makes me so happy just to know that such an organization exists.

Kuini said...

Oh god. Amanda, you guys need to come to Toronto and do your own show. I'm tired of having to go to concerts of shitty bands just to see The Dresden Dolls. My boyfriend and I went to the Molson Ampitheater today JUST to see The Dresden Dolls play. haha, heck, we were one of the oldest ones in the audience; we were the oldest ones in the entire row (everyone else was like, what? 12-18 years old?)! I was glad Hush Puppy or Hush Sound or whatever, got stuck at the border. I'd rather hear more Dresden Dolls than Hush whatever, and Panic at the fuckhole. Anyways, great show! :) Right when you guys finished and left the stage, we left as well. We went solely to see you guys play :)

hugoball said...

meredith is a godess as you are (and siouxsie) there are just those kind of people in the world don't forget-"we love you" (psychedelic furs)

Emily said...

The only people you should be concerned with are the ones who care and make you feel good...the others aren't important. Strive to be your best and just let the others shake their heads and fuck themselves over (they're just jealous anyway). It takes a lot of courage to just keep on going when the crowd isn’t supportive, but don’t let it throw you. Your band is amazing and you have the guts to keep it going despite the criticism. I love your music and you should be proud of how far you’ve come; how many people you’ve reached through it. Keep up with the good work! All your fans are smiling on you, sending all their love from here in PA.

bav said...

you guys did a fabulous job at the Grove show.
You both signed my breasts and it was the best fucking birthday present i have ever gotten in my life...
thank you<3

cvgirl said...

Dear Amanda (and of course Brian, if you ever read these...),

I am somewhat sorry to admit that I suffered through 2 PATD shows to see the two of you. (Denver and SOMA) Well, that's an exaggeration, I actually watched 2 performances by the Hush Sound (they are okay, but unimaginative- and she needs someone to help her pick out her clothes and get rid of that 80's hairstyle!!) I did watch the first song and a half from PATD at the SOMA show, but I have to confess that I don't get it, so we left.

The comment that I wanted to make is that many of the kids who listen to PATD will never really understand the music of the Dresden Dolls. Many of them are just too young, but I yearned for music like yours when I was their age. These kids live in a protected, privileged watered down, bland colored world. The Dresden Dolls are all about life- real life, with its joy and pain and messiness and bright, garish, vivid colors. I had thought that I was past the point of being a rabid fan of anyone's music anymore, until my new boyfriend flew me to Phoenix to see your show last year... and I am hopelessly hooked. (I have seen you 9 times already) Thank you, for being you, and being smart and funny and for showing infinite class by coming out every night and giving an amazing performance for a bunch of rude spoiled children who may never get you, and a small handful of people who love you, and are willing to fight off a crowd of spoiled, rude, shoving children for the joy of 40 minutes of our favorite band.

FTBR last night in LA may be the best live show I have ever seen, and I have seen more than my fair share over the years!

Incidentally, I have 2 signed CD's in my collection, one from Adam Ant (my first true love!) and 1 from you.

Keep the faith!

stephanie said...

hey I went to that show, the panic! show. and holy shit, the crowd were the biggest bunch of assholes ever. so disrespectful.. i met you guys after the show and you're the sweetest people ever, sorry i couldn't make it to brooklyn but the next time you guys roll around to NYC i'll be there. :] <3

Hihowareyou? said...

"hi how are you"

I was just sitting here with a nostologic feeling about when i got got to watch you all do your magic in boise not to long ago. I GOT TO HUG YOU AND BRIAN MY LIFE IS COMPLETE NOW. I really wish i could see you all again. PLEASE come back to boise!!!!



lilly said...

huh, i guess the panic! preppys dont know real music. whatever. they should shut up and get back to their nail polishing

[Lucent][Victrola] said...

Aw... poor thing... I don't get why Panic! fans can't be Dresden fans

I found you guys through Panic!, and was shocked when I found out about this

But, Amanda and Brian and fellow bloggers, please please PLEASE don't stereotype us teenage Panic! fans

It's just that openness of mind is inversely proportionate to openness of mouth

In other words, smart people whisper and dumbasses scream

So don't assume that because I am 14 and I like Panic! I am a squealing, vacuous pom-pom-twirler, or assume that about anyone else.

APandBV said...
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Anonymous said...

I wish I was at that NYC show, I would've been telling those kids off. I get the same way when I perform though, I tune out all of the assholes and just focus on dancing, even when myself and my classmates are getting beer cans thrown at us (the local St. Patrick's Day parade), after awhile that's all you can do is ignore them and hope that you've won a few people over, in my case to Irish dance, and in yours to the wonderful music.